


Eromenos

by lamia (kassidy)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Cambion, M/M, Pagan Gods, Pan (god) - Freeform, Possession, Public Sex, Ritual Sex, Sex Magick, Wordcount: 30.000-50.000, baphomet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-07-31 09:40:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 36,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20113030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kassidy/pseuds/lamia
Summary: Xander's dreams are threatening his sanity and driving his dorm-mate, Seth, crazy. Worse yet, the dreams have power. People are getting hurt, and neither of them has a clue how to stop it.Luckily Xander has Seth. Together they have a chance to overcome anything–even the commands of a god.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [no_one_in_particular (tipitiwitchet)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tipitiwitchet/gifts).

> This is another old story that sat around unfinished for years. I know people have lots of stories they never finish for various reasons, but I have a completion complex--it bugs the hell out of me. Now it's time to get back to Kill Switch here on a03, followed by two more novel-length books I started--hopefully I'll get ALL this done for my own satisfaction if nothing else. Also, love you C--you're my motivation:)

Prologue

A GLOWING HAZE of sky and clouds hovered above the mountain slopes. Below in the meadows, wild turkeys pecked through the grasses. Crows cawed and scoured for food, feathers like black mirrors in the afternoon light.

The sun lowered, day merging into dusk. Deer grazed the shaded woods, and foxes hunted for prey. The haze above deepened to pink and purple, then midnight blue, thinning and breaking apart.

The moon rose, cool white. The stars twinkled to life, a crown stretching across the dark sky, brightening as night settled in.

Time wore on, the sun rising over the calm of night. Faster, rushing, flashing over the land, dying again in an explosion of darkness, constellations of heroes and warriors re-enacting their glory across the backdrop of endless sky. Day turned to night turned to day.

The god watched as the seasons changed. He was god, beast and devil, rarely worshiped and barely feared in the new age: Pan, Baphomet and cambion, vestiges coalescing into one. He drew strength from the life around him–from the animals creeping, walking, dying; from the people who settled into the mountains and valleys. Their lives glowed bright, then winked and dimmed, dying beneath the constellations.

Always, more came to replace them, filling the empty spaces.

A small group of people settled a strip of land between twin rocky rises, peaks slicing into the clouds. As the generations passed, the village grew slowly, clinging to the rising mountains on either side, isolated from the teeming cities and towns sprawled below.

The god willed Twin Wolves to awaken to the old ones, as in the ancient days. In their isolation, the people accepted his presence. They prayed to Agreus, son of Hermes and a highland prophetess; to Baphomet, goat deity and Satanic avatar; to cambion, child of man and demon. The village built secret altars of worship and left gifts as befitted the god.

The god awarded them with robustness of harvest and home, children and health. In return, he asked for a child of each generation, that he might walk the land in their flesh, possessing in lust and rut and ruin.

But the day came when the sacrifice to the god was refused, and the chosen one spirited away from the mountains.

For the first time, the god was conscious of the passing days, envisioning his own demise. He called out through dreams, searching for the boy.

The chosen one saw visions of mountains on either side of a valley, like two wolves at heel, noses pointed at the sky. He saw shadows of people he’d never known. He heard tree boughs creaking with the wind; breathed the sharp spice of pine trees and sweet cinnamon fern. But he never remembered the dreams.

Instead, instinctively, he seized upon the push-beat of another’s pulse, someone who roamed close, warm and protective. All he had to do was surrender, let the presence loose inside and sink in.

Shielded from the god, the chosen one grew into a man. But the god put all his will to the task, refusing to give up, summoning the chosen one again and again.

Until, one day, there was an answer.

1

HARVEY GILPATRICK BOMBED his topology midterm in spectacular fashion, eyes glazing over the simplest question, tense fingers snapping the pencil in his grip.

Afterward, he walked through the line at the cafeteria for dinner, filling his plate. He ate methodically, speaking to no one, shoveling food into his mouth until the plate was clean. He drained his cup and wiped his mouth neatly.

Shoving his tray aside, Harvey fished inside the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a small instrument made of wooden pipes.

Airy notes rose above the buzz of conversation. The cafeteria quieted as the music grew louder.

One of the pipes was cracked—the music broke every time Harvey blew on it. He flung the instrument to the floor, climbed onto the lunch table, and began singing the alphabet in one long stream, voice off-key and hollow in the high-ceilinged room.

Laughter peppered the room here and there, but most of the students only watched him, eyes flickering left and right to see how everyone else reacted.

Harvey climbed off the table and stretched out on the cafeteria floor. He raised his head and slammed it onto the marble floor. The dull thump made some of the students jump and wince. Someone gasped. Harvey bashed the back of his head into the floor over and over, mumbling about topological spaces and the endowments of x.

An ambulance took him away. It was his third year of college, and he didn’t come back.


	2. Chapter 2

SETH MAYFAIR COULDN’T stand his roommate, and his roommate couldn’t stand him. If the college didn’t approve his room transfer soon, Seth swore he’d camp out on a park bench. Luckily that turned out to be unnecessary.

The week after Harvey snapped and left for good, Seth inherited his old room and his old roommate. Moving was easy—he’d already packed and was living out of packing boxes and suitcases.

He had a class on Friday morning. After it was over, he headed back to his dorm, housed in an eleven-storied brick and stone building. The new room was in the same building, on the opposite side and on a higher floor. He rode the elevator up, box in his arms and suitcases dangling from each hand. He fumbled, nearly dropping the box of clothes outside the door. Someone flung it open and grabbed the suitcases.

“Thanks,” Seth said, just as the bottom popped out of the stupid box, clothes plopping onto the floor.

The guy, presumably his new roommate, put the cases on the unused bed and walked back to the door. He was well over six feet tall, with dark hair that flopped over his brow and warm hazel eyes. He gave Seth a brilliant, somewhat shy smile.

It damn near leveled Seth, and would pretty much every time thereafter. He gave up on the box and stuck out his hand. “Seth.”

“Xander,” his new roommate said. “I’ve got a class, but it’s good to meet you. See you later today?”

“I’ll be here.”

The dorm room was a lot smaller than the one he’d left—a bed and a desk on each side of the room along with a mini-fridge, small TV, worn chair and a microwave. Thankfully, there was also a tiny bathroom and shower. Seth really didn’t love the idea of a communal bathroom.

By late afternoon, Seth was mostly settled. He finished trying to cram a few groceries into the tiny refrigerator and relaxed on his new bed.

Xander rushed in after track practice, in a great hurry to get somewhere else. “Hey. Finished moving in?” Xander yanked his sweat-stained shirt over his head, long arm muscles flexing and hair flying all over, layers beneath dark with sweat and clinging to his neck.

“Yeah,” Seth murmured, sitting up quickly. He tried not to look Xander up and down and pretty much failed. Xander’s skin gleamed, chest rising and falling. _Jesus_ was he was ripped, wide shoulders, small waist. He looked—

Seth did his best to put the brakes on that particular train of thought. He didn’t need the complication of being attracted to a roommate.

Too late. Xander looked hotter than hell.

“Sorry I couldn’t help with the move. I’m heading out again. Plans.” Xander grinned.

“Plans,” Seth echoed, doing his best to keep his gaze at eye level.

At least Xander hadn’t stripped in front of Seth completely. He’d rushed into the bathroom with his jock still on.

Which hid so, so much.

Seth rolled on his belly and groaned. In the bathroom, the shower began to run.

That night, Seth turned in early, tired from the move. He awakened sometime after midnight. Panting sounds came from his roommate’s bed.

Great. First there was naked Xander (or close enough) this afternoon. He guessed it made sense that his first night in the new room would feature Xander beating off.

Seth pulled the pillow over his ears. No use.

In the darkness, he gritted his teeth, wishing his dick would listen to his brain for once and calm the fuck down. Like right now._ Please._

His dick refused.

Seth squeezed his eyes tightly together, willing, no, _commanding_ the hard-on from hell to lie down and heel. And maybe, just maybe, his willpower was a thing of wonder, because his dick began to cooperate.

Then Xander made another, louder sound, gasp and low moan mixed up together. All of Seth’s half-formed, self-congratulatory thoughts extinguished faster than the flame of a candle pinched between fingertips.

He took matters into his own hands, but quietly. Unlike an overly tall, self-absorbed roommate who apparently could give a shit if Seth might or might not be listening to him spank the monkey or what it might make him want.

The problem was, it wasn’t an isolated incident.


	3. Chapter 3

SETH LAY ON the bed, arm crooked underneath his head, listening to his mom talk. She called every Thursday night. Mom said she wasn’t stupid enough to try him on the weekends, when obviously his social life threatened the boundaries of space and time. Or something like that.

Seth recognized the wishful thinking, knew that in mom-speak “social life” translated to “girls,” and he sighed in irritation whenever she said it. It drove him nuts because they both knew he and girls didn’t mix, at least not in the sense she wished.

Xander opened the door and threw a load of books down, papers flying out and slipping over the floor like the messy hurricane he was. He nodded at Seth and fished a book out from the pile. Flopping down on the bed, he began to read.

Seth nodded back at him. In his ear, Mom went on about how she and Seth’s dad were trying to wiggle their way out of a dinner invite at a neighbor’s house. The neighbor was a terrible cook.

Seth’s mind wandered. He’d come out to his parents at fifteen, after a two-month relationship with a girl named Angie. She was shy and smart and pretty, had long red hair and white skin. He kissed her and even made out with her, and it was fine, like macaroni for lunch was fine or a hike up a local mountain trail when he was bored. Angie deserved much better.

His father had been silent at the news. He’d rubbed his eyes and put his head in his hands, briefly, before he’d sighed and nodded at Seth. His dad talked sports and business, not personal stuff. He was a residential land developer, which took up much of his enthusiasm and time.

Seth’s mother had been silent, too. He’d taken the silence for acceptance. He was wrong. It might have been shock. Probably denial, though.

Xander watched Seth, throwing him an absent smile once when Seth caught him looking. Seth wasn’t fooled. Xander was listening to the phone conversation.

Seth hung up soon afterward, glaring at Xander. “Nosy shit.”

Xander made a show of appearing interrupted. “Hey, I’m studying. You’re the one distracting me with fascinating conversation. How’s your mom’s sciatica?”

“About the same. Dad’s blood pressure is worrying her, though, and oh yeah, she thinks the fifty-year-old lady who lives in the next house down is trying to come on to him. Luckily her cooking sucks, so she’s no threat.”

Xander rolled his eyes. “I can only imagine.”

“Yeah, so why listen? Freak.” Seth pulled the pillow out from under his head and threw it.

“All that mother and son bonding really moves me.” Xander’s voice was muffled by the pillow.

“I bet. Why don’t I ever hear you talk to your parents, spy-boy?”

Xander pulled the pillow from his face. “I don’t remember my dad. He died when I was little. Mom drank a lot. After she died, I was raised in foster homes.”

“Damn.” Seth stared at him, thinking about not having parents and what it would feel like to have no home or family.

Xander threw the pillow back at him. “It was a long time ago. Don’t go getting all soulful and sympathetic. I hate it when you cry.”

“You’ve never seen me cry, asshole. How’re you paying for school?”

“Kind of nosy yourself, aren’t you? I pay for it like everybody else whose parents don’t foot the bill. Sell my body, man. And you cry every time I go out, don’t you?” Xander said. Seth jerked, startled, but Xander was oblivious, continuing, “Pining away, wishing you had just half of the sex I have.” He cocked his head, considering Seth. “A quarter.”

“Fuck you,” Seth managed, then realized he’d only put his foot in deeper. He flushed, heart thumping uncomfortably in his chest.

“An eighth, maybe. Jealous, all right.” Xander grinned.

Seth wapped him in the face with the pillow again. By the time Xander whipped the pillow back at him, Seth had managed to make his expression normal. “I’m not pining over anything you do, say, or screw. Now shut up so I can study.”

“I’m studying,” Xander protested.

“Sure you are. Your book’s upside down.” Seth grinned when Xander turned his book over without looking. “Now it’s upside down, fool.”

“Testing you, see. Hey, how about we get a pizza delivered? I’ll buy.” Xander’s cell buzzed. He sat up and looked at the screen, smile disappearing. He swiped at the screen, dismissing it.

“You ate already. We both did.”

“What’s your point?”

“I don’t have one. Of course I want pizza. What’re you putting on it?”

Xander looked insulted. “Everything but the kitchen sink, of course.”

“Of course.”

Xander’s phone buzzed once more.

“Did you break somebody’s heart again?”

“You overestimate my powers. Or do you?” Xander’s mouth tightened, belying the joking tone. He looked at the phone. “Shit.” He muttered something—Seth thought it was something about 'it' being mutual.

“What is?”

“Hm?” Still looking at the screen.

“You okay?”

“Sure, yeah. Right as rain, Dr. Feelgood. Order the pizza, will you? I’ll pay when it gets here.” Xander stepped out into the hall.

Seth had the pizza place on speed dial and ordered a large with every-meat-in-existence. He hung up, Xander’s voice growing louder out in the hall. Seth wondered what the hell was going on. He tried to concentrate on his textbook.

Xander stepped back inside.

“I ordered the pizza. Half hour, they said.” Seth wanted to ask what was going on. Heroically, he did not.

“Okay. What are you studying?”

“Psych.” After another minute Seth looked up again. Xander walked aimlessly up and down the small room. “Will you sit down already?”

“Are you…dating anybody?”

“You interested?” Seth snapped, a little impatient. He was getting zero study time.

“Since you asked….” Xander wiggled his eyebrows.

Seth snapped the book shut and gave in to curiosity. “Is there a problem with someone you’re dating?”

Xander threw himself back down on the bed. He heaved a sigh. “Naw, it’s nothing. Nothing worth talking about, anyway. Seriously,” he added when Seth looked at him pointedly. He gestured at Seth’s textbook. “Read your psych.”

Seth opened his book again. He tried to study, he really did, but Xander’s phone buzzed over and over. Seth was ready to snatch the damn cell and throw it out the window. He didn’t open his mouth, though. Something was obviously wrong.

Xander stepped into the hall again. When he returned, he avoided Seth’s eyes. Soon after the pizza arrived, he left the dorm, paying for it but not eating, waving off Seth’s protest. He still wasn’t home by the time Seth fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

XANDER’S TRACK-MATE, Dave, swung by Saturday afternoon to pick Xander up for a get-together at a campus park. Seth thought Dave looked somehow exotic, despite the blond hair and blue eyes—something about his icy gaze and thin, elegant lips. He almost matched Xander’s ridiculous height.

“Want to go with us?” Dave settled on the end of Seth’s bed and winked. “We’re playing football. I might let you on my team, assuming you don’t suck.”

“Did he just wink at me?” Slouched on top of the bedspread, Seth wiggled his sock-feet for emphasis.

“Captain Obvious strikes again.” Xander was pale, out of sorts. Whatever drama he was embroiled in hadn’t appeared to improve, but he wouldn’t say a word about it. “Dave loves all of mankind and all of womankind, so watch your ass. Are you coming or not?”

“Watch my ass?” Seth glanced at Dave, who grinned. Seth kicked at Dave’s hip. “What’s gonna happen to it? Is he warning me about you?”

“You’re not that quick, are you?” Dave asked, and Xander grinned, too.

“Maybe I don’t want to be on your loser team,” Seth grumbled.

“How sad for you. And me, because that means you’ll be on my team instead.” Xander gestured at him to get up. “Hurry up.”

“Did you get shorter or something?” Seth yawned in Xander’s direction, reaching for shoes on the floor.

“What are you talking about?”

“Your friend is nearly as tall as you are, freak.”

“Everyone seems diminished when they stand beside me,” Dave clarified.

“Of course they do.” Seth stood. “I need coffee.”

“No time, lazy ass,” said Xander. “Let’s go.”

They locked up and took the stairs at the end of the hall instead of waiting for the elevator.

Outside, the air was amazingly warm, as if not understanding what February was supposed to feel like. Sunshine blazed and softened the chill ground, and the breeze was freshening and pleasant.

Dave drove a shit-green Jeep, and he drove it in a great hurry. Seth held on in the back seat, trying not to squawk as Dave rounded a curve fast enough to put them in danger of the vehicle rolling. The other, obviously suicidal guys didn’t even seem to notice.

In minutes Dave had sailed the Jeep into a graveled lot, parking with a jolt. Two vehicles pulled up on either side. More cars turned into the lot behind them.

“Why would anyone ever, ever issue you a license?” Seth climbed out of the back.

Dave flipped him off absentmindedly, still arguing with someone named John in the front seat over something Seth stopped listening to almost as soon as it started.

“Over time, you learn to ignore the inherent danger to life and limb,” Josh Martin said, climbing out of the SUV beside them. He was an acquaintance, introduced to Seth by Xander. Xander introduced all his friends to Seth. There were a lot of them.

“I will never care so little for my own well-being.”

“You say that,” Xander said, leaning into the back of the Jeep, “but you still have to ride home with him.” He tossed a football to Seth, then grabbed a red and a white cooler. Somebody else pulled out another, larger cooler from the SUV beside them.

Tucking the football under his arm, Seth started off with Xander down a slight incline to the park, both of them comfortably silent.

The park was wide and flat, edged with trees and park benches beside a paved walking path. Xander set the cooler on the dried winter grass and fished out a couple of water bottles.

Seth tipped his bottle and drank, then shielded his eyes from the bright sunshine and gazed over the park. The ground dipped into a small valley on the far end, leading down to the river. A row of empty picnic tables sat along the bank.

“C’mon, warm-up a little.” Xander started toward the walking path, Seth following. Behind them, groups of two and three trickled from the parking lot, stopping to raid the coolers now dotting the ground.

After a quick circuit around the park, ending in a lazy jog, teams were picked. Dave and Xander were captains. Naturally.

Dave looked right at Seth. “You.” He smirked. “You’re my first pick.”

“Prick,” Seth muttered, covering a flicker of unease. He couldn’t tell where the sly, flirtatious comment was coming from. For just a moment, he wondered if any of these guys were homophobes.

In his head, Seth ran down a list of the friends Xander had introduced to him. He’d had no problems with any of them. He tried to relax.

Xander and Dave called out names or pointed, insulting the other’s team picks amid laughter and catcalls. The teams jogged out into the middle of the field, throwing the ball around while Xander and Dave agreed on landmarks for downs and end zones in the field.

Dave tossed the ball to Seth. “Hike,” he said, and grinned, crowding up close behind Seth.

“You’re a perv, right? This is what I’m getting.”

“Calm down. I’m the quarterback, you’re the center. It’s all good,” Dave said, finally sensing Seth’s unease.

As far as Seth could tell, keeping score was nothing more than a second thought. The game was relaxed and friendly, though as the players warmed up, the intensity grew.

“What’s the score?” Seth asked and hunkered down, football in hand.

Dave’s hand brushed Seth’s ass.

Seth wasn’t sure if it was intentional or not, but he was on edge. “If you can’t keep it in your pants long enough to play the game, Dave, maybe you better pump the stump before you see me next time, yeah?” he snapped.

The team laughed and then howled. Seth shook his head, watching them. Maybe Dave harassing the new guy was a rite of passage?

“You guys need some women here, though I can understand why they wouldn’t show up. This isn’t prison,” Seth added. The team snickered some more. Seth’s mouth twitched unwillingly.

“Can we get on with the fucking game?” said someone from the other side. Seth glanced up.

Xander stared at him, face flushed, jaw twitching.

Fine. He motioned at the team and they fell into place. “Hut, hut, hike!” Seth’s grip slipped, distracted. He’d never seen Xander look at him like that. Dave’s fingers brushed the ball, scrabbled, fell away.

Seth only just managed to avoid dropping the ball. By then it was too late to pass. He backed up, the team tumbling all over itself to protect him.

“Run!” Dave shouted. Seth feinted forward and ran left as a path opened. Josh rushed him from the opposite side, stumbling as John blocked him.

Seth twisted out of a near collision, dodged another tackle and ran full out. The grass crunched beneath his feet. Cool air rushed into his lungs. For a moment, he felt unstoppable.

Someone landed square on his lower legs and ass. Seth slammed into the dried grass, weight at his back sliding upward, driving the breath from his lungs. His forehead hit the ground, ears ringing.

He knew who was on him before he saw him, smelled his sweat, the breath on back of his neck. And better yet, his current wet dream/dreamer had an unmistakable hard-on pressed against his ass.

Seth’s cock swelled in response so fast it hurt. He squirmed against the weight on his back and then stilled, mortified. “Get off me,” he grunted as soon as he could draw a breath. His ears still buzzed.

“Why?”

“Why?” Seth asked incredulously, even though Xander’s voice did something to him—low and smooth, almost taunting. He squeezed his eyes shut, electrified at the dig of Xander’s dick at his ass. For a wild second he wanted to push back. “The game’s not called fuck-buddies, that’s why. “

“So you’re not into public sex?”

“Have you lost your mind?” Seth’s high tone embarrassed him a little.

Xander’s weight lifted suddenly off Seth. “Up,” he said hoarsely.

Seth stayed on the ground, heart pounding. _Enough of this handsy bullshit game. _He rolled over. “You people are crazy!” he shouted.

The field abruptly turned silent. For a second Seth heard the hum of traffic from beyond the field and the faint buzz of an airplane overhead.

Then there was Dave, holding out a hand and offering to help him up. “Sorry,” he said. “You’re just hotter than hell. You can’t expect me to control myself, can you?” He smirked.

Seth stared up at Dave’s outstretched hand and laughed—or choked—or whatever the sound was coming out of his mouth, because _Jesus_, he still had a hard-on, no way to hide it from the guy who’d messed with him the whole damn game. He blinked, looked again at Dave’s face, at Dave purposely not looking at what he’d clearly seen was there.

_Now he’s giving me a break?_

“These shits encouraged me,” Dave roared, dropping the outstretched hand and turning to the others, arms extended. The whole damn crowd hooted back at him, laughing, cat-calling, the pitch beating into Seth’s head and echoing. Kind of like one of those insanely testosterone-fueled gladiator movies he never paid attention to. A bunch of men killing the fuck out of each other: screaming, muscled, oiled, half-naked. Nope, no interest at all.

Though the way this afternoon was going, he wouldn’t be surprised if the guys here started pulling their clothes off and attacking each other. It was unreal.

He scrambled to his feet and caught sight of Xander, standing stock-still a few feet away, hair hanging over his forehead.

“Xander?” Seth shouted over the noise.

Xander turned on his heel and walked away.

The noise died down. Silence descended on the field again. They all stood and looked at each other, blinking like they’d just awakened.

Dave turned back to Seth.

“Idiot,” Seth said. “This is all on you.”

“Hey, it was a joke. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, whatever.” He walked away.

The teams straggled off the field, retrieving the coolers and heading for the parking lot. In the Jeep on the way home, Xander talked to Seth like normal, as if he’d never given Seth that enraged look out on the field. Seth returned the favor and acted as if it hadn’t happened.

The two of them walked into the dorm lobby as Stephens, who roomed at the other end of their hallway, came off the elevator. He smiled as he approached, pushing his glasses up his nose.

Xander liked everybody, or so Seth had always thought. Until now.

Xander stared at Stephens, eyes cold. His body pulled up to full height, arms relaxed but fingers bunched halfway to fists. It was different than the look Xander had given Seth out on the field and more than a little threatening.

Stephens looked uneasily at Xander, hunched his shoulders and reversed direction.

Xander turned to Seth, whose face and body relaxed in slow increments. He offered an apologetic quirk of lips when Seth kept staring.

“What the hell was that?” Seth demanded.

Xander shook his head, heading for the stairwell. He took stairs instead of elevators when he could, lecturing Seth about health and exercise crap when he didn’t join him.

This time Seth didn’t join him.

Stephens was an asshole sometimes, sure, high-strung and too edgy, sometimes seriously annoying. He couldn’t often be bothered with the concept of politeness, but he wasn’t all that bad. He was smart and funny if you liked your humor with a biting edge.

Maybe something had happened between Stephens and Xander before Seth moved in. He’d ask Xander about it later.

He pretty much forgot about it.


	5. Chapter 5

SETH’S EYES FLEW open, heart quickening, sure something was wrong.

Xander slept in his bed across from him, shifting restlessly. He was murmuring something. Seth couldn’t make heads of it. Xander’s breathing grew faster, became slight panting sounds.

Seth stared up into the darkness. The first few times, Seth thought Xander must be fucking around with him. He wasn’t, though. He wasn’t even awake.

The panting stopped abruptly, and the next breath was carefully even. Xander sat up, a dark shadow slipping from his bed into the tiny bathroom. Water splashed loudly in the sink.

Seth resolutely tried to get back to sleep. He did not think about Xander jacking off, only a thin door between them with the water running to mask any noise.

He shifted, his dick rigid against his stomach, almost unbearably sensitive. He was not going to jerk off. He absolutely wasn’t. He closed his eyes. Remembered Xander shoved up against his ass out on the field.

_Dammit._

It exasperated him to think of Xander that way. The guy was his roommate, for Christ’s sake. It was bad enough the afternoon had been so fucking weird.

This thing he had for Xander was getting out of control. He wanted to concentrate on his classes, keep things uncomplicated and easy. It wouldn’t help, but hell. He counted sheep, was almost asleep again when the door to the bathroom creaked open.

And hello, darkness, my old friend. Seth stifled a sigh and turned over in his bed.

He overslept and almost missed his first class in the morning. His head pounded the whole damn day. After a late class in the early evening, he stopped at a bar on the strip and grabbed some food and a beer, which finally took care of the headache. He didn’t mean to stay so long, but hey, everybody deserves a break, right?

He should lay off the beer, maybe. But the day had sucked elephant balls.

When Seth finally opened the door to his room Xander was asleep, motionless on the bed opposite. The blinds were open, cool white light from the streetlight outside shining over Xan’s face. He looked like a statue. So still.

Seth’s headache suddenly threatened again. He headed for the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, looking for something to take.

There was an amber-colored bottle on the shelf–a prescription bottle, but unmarked. Seth shook one of the capsules out. It looked like the sleeping pills his mom got from the doctor.

Seth put the unmarked bottle back into the cabinet, picked out the bottle of aspirin and tapped a couple into his palm, dry swallowing them. He took a shower and felt better for it. The headache was completely gone. He brushed his teeth and headed for bed.

Xander hadn’t moved, dead to the world. His dark hair was neat against the pillow as if, for once, he’d slept peacefully.

_Or knocked himself out._

He stood beside the bunk to make sure Xander was breathing. Maybe it was dumb, but there was no one there to see. Finally he went to bed.


	6. Chapter 6

KEG CENTRAL WAS located in an apartment complex off campus. The music was loud and the walls matchstick thin, but the residents were all students who didn’t seem to mind the noise.

Dave manned the tap. His expression was remote, possibly stoned, as he looked out over the crowd spilling from the living room onto the balcony. He spied Seth, and his gaze sharpened. He winked slowly, deliberately.

Trying to embarrass Seth had climbed high on Dave’s list of ways to entertain himself, despite the apology almost a week earlier. But Seth had drunk a lot of beer. Instead of his usual confused flush, he tipped his head back, throat working, leisurely downing the beer from a cheap plastic cup. Looking directly at Dave, he lowered the cup and licked his lips, then curved a hand over his dick and squeezed.

Dave’s mouth dropped open. The next girl in line at the keg thrust her cup out. Dave picked up her free hand and fanned himself, laughing loudly enough that Seth heard him from across the room. The girl snatched her hand back and poked Dave in the chest.

Seth smiled, his gaze roving over the room, and saw Xander staring at him. He stood in the entryway to the hall, a hand resting on the overhang above, face unreadable. Seth dropped his hand from his crotch and looked away, the sense of victory he’d felt swamped by a curious mix of embarrassment and exposure. When he looked back, Xander was gone.

Seth walked across the room to stand in line for another beer. Dave abandoned his station and rushed to hand him a full cup, giving him a swift, admiring glance.

“Idiot. But thanks,” Seth said. They knocked their cups together and downed their beer in unison.

“How long have you wanted a piece of that?” Dave asked.

“What? A piece of you?”

“Come on, Seth.”

Seth gave him a hard look.

“Okay, then. I mean, uh, how long have you had a thing for Xander?”

Seth didn’t answer, looking intently at the nubbed carpet under his feet.

“So ever since you met. Huh.”

“There’s no _thing_,” Seth mimicked scornfully.

“Sure.”

“Nothing, no thing, absolutely none, whatsoever, at any fucking time–”

Dave watched him, smirking.

Seth put a finger up in the air and spoke louder. “–has ever been had by me over any hot-ass, show-off-his-ass roommate that I have ever had.”

Dave clapped him on the back. “You need another beer.”

Seth nodded and drank the cup down when Dave handed it to him, then went back for more. He kept thinking about Xander’s face in the hallway moments ago, the expression that said nothing at all. It didn’t sit right. He figured Xander would have laughed or rolled his eyes, mocked him somehow. Hell, even grabbed his own dick. Something other than that blank look.

Or fuck, maybe he’d had too much beer.

He drank enough that it felt like courage, and then he went looking for Xander.

He wasn’t out on the balcony, in the living room or kitchen. Seth headed down the hall, looking left and right.

The first door he came to was locked. He jiggled the knob and knocked. The door was hollow, the knock louder than he’d intended. Someone giggled inside as the toilet flushed. He hadn’t realized it was a bathroom.

There was the sound of running water. He blinked as the door pulled inward fast enough to make the air fan, and a tall blonde girl in a black glitter skirt and three inch-heeled boots stomped out, hissing, “Wait your turn, dickhead.”

She was followed by a smaller girl, still giggling, who pressed his hand as she walked by. “No worries,” she said, her breath sweet-sour, beer overlaid with bubble gum.

Seth grimaced and walked away fast. He was getting nervous in spite of all the beer, and he didn’t want to think now that he’d decided to talk to Xander.

There was a bedroom on the left. The door was open a crack, lights off. He walked past, hesitating, took a step back and pushed the door with his fingertips. Light ran across the floor.

Xander pressed a girl against the wall, mouth on hers, kissing her hungrily. The girl's hands clutched at the wall. Xander looked huge, his body curved over hers. He broke free and looked up, the girl panting, open-mouthed. His eyes glinted in the stripe of light.

“Seth?” Xander put up a hand to shield against the light. He sounded surprised, maybe confused. “That you?”

The girl looked up at him. Her hair was long, straight and dark. Her back arched out from the wall, hips jutting forward. Xander’s other hand was under her shirt. Her nipples poked against the material.

Seth’s stomach fell to his shoes. His skin tingled like he’d been shocked, electrical protest at being seen, at the monumental mistake of being idiot enough, fucking _delusional_ enough to go after Xander. All because Seth was obsessed with him, couldn’t stop thinking of him and his dreams, his moans and seeming desperation and even his embarrassment when he woke himself in the middle of the night.

Xander squinted at him, lips swollen, face open and soft. Seth’s hands shook with the urge to reach out to him even now, even with Xander halfway to fucking someone else. At least until Seth had come after him and ruined everything.

_Jesus._ Seth hung his head and tried to hang on, tried not to puke his beer and humiliation onto the floor.

Xander took a step toward him, hand out. Worse yet, his expression–was that pity? Seth had to get away from that. He shook his head and mumbled _sorry_, stumbled out the door, but Xander caught him outside in the hall, grabbed his arm and turned him back.

“I said I was sorry.” Seth pulled away, the words like ashes in his mouth.

“You don’t have to say that.” Xander reached out as if to touch him again, his eyes searching. “What is—is something—” he started, then hesitated and dropped his hand when Seth wouldn’t look at him.

The girl Xander had been kissing came down the hall after them. She stopped and stared, her lips thinning.

“My phone’s dead, Mandy. I didn’t realize. He had to give me a message. He didn’t know we were, uh … it was an accident,” Xander improvised.

Mandy looked at Seth and back at Xander. She shrugged, her face smoothing. “Yeah, okay. I’ll let you get to it, then.”

Seth looked at her and had an almost surreal moment when he noticed her nipples were still stiff. Like they were staring at him. He tried not to stare back.

“Get to what?” Xander asked.

She sighed, annoyed. “Your message. If it was so important he interrupted us, shouldn’t you take care of it?” She shook her head slowly, looking at both of them in turn. “I should stop coming to these keggers.” She walked away.

Xander stared after her a minute. He blew a long breath of air out, fanning the hair hanging over his forehead. “She really likes me, doesn’t she?”

Somehow Seth found himself laughing. It almost made him want to puke again, and it hurt his head, but he couldn’t stop.


	7. Chapter 7

SETH CRACKED AN eye open, ran his tongue around his mouth and tried to swallow. So dry. His head still hurt.

It was dark. He heard something. Music? Like a flute or something. It faded in and out, lilting. He blinked at the clock, the LCD display a blurred, glowing blue. Four in the morning.

Xander moved restlessly in his bed across the room, muttering something that Seth couldn’t and didn’t want to make out. The last thing in the world he wanted to think about was Xander and his dreams. Or Xander _in_ his dreams. He’d been having more than a few of those.

He strained to listen anyway and heard the faint music again, wondering where the hell it came from. Down the hall, maybe?

Seth turned over, scrunching his eyes tightly together against the memory of last night. He didn’t want to remember.

Crap. He’d pined his way through a starring role in a very bad chick flick. He remembered Xander’s face in the dark room, in the hallway, saw the confusion in his eyes.

Seth stifled a groan. He felt his face flush even in the dark. This shit had to end, one way or the other. He was not going to humiliate himself again over something that existed only in his own mind and dreams.

Xander turned, moaning in his sleep, low and rough.

Seth flung the covers off the bed, rushed to Xander’s bunk and sat on the side. “Can’t you for once just sleep?” he yelled.

Xander’s eyes opened, seeing nothing, then closed. His mouth opened. He pushed the covers down restlessly. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, his skin smooth, blue-shadowed.

Seth’s eyes moved down, couldn’t stop himself, saw white moonlight glance over a hipbone, saw a faint line of hair run below his navel and disappear beneath the sweats Xander wore to bed. Seth’s fingers twitched. He jammed a hand through his hair. He had to move, do something with his hands. _Fuck._

He’d humiliated himself only a few hours ago, and damned if he wasn’t getting a hard-on over Xander again. He felt his whole body tighten. He wanted to hit something. Someone.

He leaned forward, gripped Xander by the shoulders and shook him hard.

Xander muttered something Seth couldn’t make out and squirmed against his grip. There was no power behind it. Xander wouldn’t wake up.

Seth shook him again, unease rising through the anger.

Sweat gleamed on Xander’s upper lip, pooled in the hollow of his throat. His lips moved, murmuring things Seth didn’t understand, names he didn’t know except through old myths. His voice rose, rough and urgent and rushed. None of it made sense.

Black shadows draped the corners of the moonlit room. Xander’s skin was warm and smooth beneath Seth’s fingers as he droned on, sounding more than a little nuts, sounding like a fuck-ton of crazy, and still, still, Seth’s damned hard-on wouldn’t go away.

“Shut up!” Seth yelled right into his face.

Xander’s forehead wrinkled. He made a noise like something hurt.

Seth’s stomach sank so hard he felt nauseous, like he’d done something horribly wrong.

“Xander, please?” Seth whispered.

Xander’s eyes flew open, staring up at the ceiling. “He won’t leave me alone. He wants me to come home.” His hands formed fists. Veins traced his arms, caught in moonlight on his shadowed skin. “I don’t want to go.”

Seth slid his grip over Xander’s shoulders and down to his hands, curled against his own. He hated himself for a moment, that he still wanted to touch him that way. Xander needed help.

“What’s wrong with you?” Seth asked. His voice sounded years younger and Seth hated that, too, so he repeated himself. “What’s wrong?” He sounded cold and hard even to his own ears. His stomach sank some more.

Xander blinked. He tugged his fists away. “Nothing.”

“Nothing, right. You’ve had dreams almost every single night. You’re fucking driving me crazy!”

Xander pulled in a shaky breath. “You and me both.” He looked afraid. Then the fear was gone, vanished. Seth did a double-take.

Xander gave a slow smile, propping himself on an elbow. His fists opened, relaxing. “Crazy what way?” He reached, hand circling Seth’s wrist, rubbing his pulse with gentle fingers. Xander’s eyes were dilated and dark, face slack with sleep and something more. His other hand rubbed over Seth’s arm and around the back of his neck, pulling him close. Closer.

“What the fuck?” Seth breathed. “What are you—you’re not—you’re straight—let me go!”

“Sometimes I am.” Xander grinned a little, but his fingers tightened on the nape of Seth’s neck as if grounding himself before he let go.

Seth’s head pounded, breathing fast, near panicked. He pushed Xander so he fell back on the bed. “_Sometimes?_ How does that go, the sometimes-gay thing?”

“Bi. Twice as nice.” Confusion and something wary, maybe fearful, grew on Xander’s face.

Fear of what, Seth didn’t know. It made his chest ache.

He didn’t understand any of this. The only thing he understood was how he felt about Xander, and that he didn’t want to feel it.

He wasn’t sure if Xander was completely aware of what he was doing at this point, had a weird feeling Xander didn’t have much control over himself. Though it was possible he was playing games, screwing with Seth’s head.

He ignored the voice in his head that told him Xander would never do that. He had no idea whatthe hell was going on with him. It made him nervous.

“Seth. I can’t stop the dreams from coming. They’re getting stronger. I—I think he hurt Harvey.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t want him to hurt anyone else.”

“Him _who,_ Xander? They’re just dreams!”

“If they’re just dreams then why do I keep hearing yours in my head? Why do I know—”

Seth’s eyes widened. “What?”

Xander looked away, struggled to regain his composure. “Nothing. You’re right, they’re just dreams.” He took a deep breath. “Go back to bed.” His expression cleared suddenly, like earlier. He smiled, quick flash of teeth in the dim room. “Unless you want to stay.”

The air left Seth’s lungs in a rush. He opened his mouth but it took another try before he could speak. “Go to sleep.” His voice sounded hoarse, uncertain. He didn’t move. Couldn’t think. Didn’t want to go.

Xander put an arm under his head and stared glassy-eyed at the ceiling. “Yeah.”

Seth stared at him. Wasn’t waiting for Xander to look at him, to ask one more time. He wasn’t. He made himself stand and walk away.

It was like a bad dream all his own.


	8. Chapter 8

SETH WOKE ON the following day with what was surely a life-threatening hangover. The morning and afternoon blurred together endlessly. Early evening found Seth at yet another party—with friends that didn’t include Xander.

Over the next few days, without really thinking about it, he avoided his room. Avoided Xander. At night there was no escape. He was awakened time and again, feeling like a voyeur and a prisoner.

The dreams still sounded intensely sexual, but also darker. Out-and-out nightmares. The sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet, if Xander still took them, obviously weren’t working.

Seth cracked open an eyelid early Saturday morning, just as the door to the hall closed quietly. Xander had left. Seth slept in, exhausted, until his cell phone woke him in the early afternoon. It was Dave.

“Xander around?”

“Why call me if you want Xander? And no, he took off.” Seth yawned.

“I’m worried about him.”

Seth sat up in bed. “What’s going on?”

“Are you telling me you haven’t noticed? He’s been like a damn ghost lately.”

“Of course I have. I just…I’m pretty sure he’d hate us talking about him.”

“Look, something’s really wrong. It’s not just the thing with the Professor, either.”

“Do you know about the dreams?” The words rushed out of Seth before he could stop. “Wait, the professor?”

“What dreams?”

“He has them constantly, and he spouts off these names in his sleep like they’re fucking torturing him, and he…it’s just really fucking weird, okay? Baphomet is one. There are others. Crazy shit.”

“Baphomet? Like, Satanic?”

“I guess.”

There was a pause, then Dave said, “Wait. He crashed at my room one night, before you moved in. He was drunk off his ass. Sounded like he had an amazing sex dream.” His voice was wry, amused. “Didn’t seem like a problem.”

“It’s definitely a problem.”

Dave laughed, then coughed as if to cover it.

“I mean, not for me—except for waking me up all the time.” Seth sounded more awkward with every word, and he knew it.

“If you say so.” Dave laughed outright, the asshole.

In the end, they agreed to meet at the library. Seth got the feeling Dave wanted to see him, compare notes if need be. Maybe it’d help them understand what was happening with Xander.

Seth dressed and headed for a coffee shop, afterward walking to the main campus library. He pulled a few books off the reference shelves and went to look for Dave. He was already there, sitting at one of the wooden tables.

“Okay, here we go.” Dave spoke quietly, pointing at a line in an oversized book in front of him. “Baphomet, right? Xander said that?”

“Yeah.”

“So why in hell would Xander dream about a pagan deity tied in with the occult and Satanism?”

“Not just sometimes. He dreams every night. Names all kinds of mythological figures.” Seth looked down at the book in front of him. “Like this one. Agreus. He is…” he kept reading a few seconds more, then continued, “apparently there’s more than one god identified as Pan, and he’s one of them. Sose, his mother, was a prophetess.”

Dave raised skeptical eyes to Seth’s. Blond hair stuck up in a clump off his head from where he’d propped it against his hand. He looked sleepy. “So you’re telling me Xander is dreaming about a Satanic avatar and a god? The Greek god with the pipes? Horny bastard, part goat?”

“This is exactly what I’m telling you. And I’m not finished.” Seth held up a finger. “He’s mentioned cambion.” He bent over the book. “Which is...let's see...the offspring of a human and an incubus or succubus, depending.”

“You know, I thought we could help with this somehow, if we knew more. But unless Xander is involved in some kind of Satanism or other weird religion and it’s bothering him someway, I got nothing. He’s not taking any kind of, I don’t know, mythology courses?”

“Nope.”

Dave stared at him. “So. Xander’s going nuts. Dreaming of demons and gods and sex twenty-four seven.”

“He’s not going nuts.”

“Well, what do you call it?”

“I wish the fuck I knew.” Seth paused. “I feel like shit talking about this. He doesn’t want anyone to know. Hell, he doesn’t want _me_ to know, but he can’t help it. The dreams are non-stop, and they’re making him sick. I’m worried. And he’s driving me crazy.”

“Not his fault you have the hots for him, Seth.”

Seth stared at Dave. “Shut up. I’m not getting much sleep. He’s getting even less. It’s affecting my classes.” Seth thought a moment. “Why didn’t you tell me he’s bi?”

Dave looked surprised. “I thought you knew.”

“How would I know?”

“Well, how about last weekend, moron? Didn’t you see him leave with Carlos from Paul’s place after the game?”

“Oh. No.”

“Oh. Yeah. And why are you asking? You still hoping to get on that train?”

“Well, why’d you make me think I didn’t have a…you know, a chance with him? At the keg party?”

“The way you were acting, mooning over him, I assumed he’d turned you down.” Dave rolled his eyes. “But you never talked to him, did you?”

“Drop it.”

“I’m just saying. That’s stupid.”

“He’s my _roommate_.”

Dave flapped a hand at him. “Okay, okay. Dropped. What are we going to do about all this? He can’t keep going on no sleep with his class load, not to mention his afternoon job.”

“Jesus, Dave.” Seth sighed. “What the hell are we supposed to do? It’s all kinds of creepy, looking up stuff from his dreams. If it helps, then yeah, it’s worth it, but so far I’m just as confused as ever. We still don’t have a clue why he’s having them.”

“Talk to him.”

“Talk to him,” Seth repeated flatly. “What’s that gonna do? You talk to him if you think it’ll make a difference.”

Dave stared at him. “You live with the guy. You’re worried, obviously, but—” Dave looked more closely at Seth, who was already shaking his head, “—you’re not gonna talk to him.”

Seth looked away. “No, I’m not. I haven’t been, lately. At least not much.” He sighed. “Look, he’s my friend, yeah, but I’m really, really tired of trying to deal with…stuff about him. I didn’t sign up for this.”

“Really.” Dave’s brows rose. “That’s why you’re here at the library now, then.”

“Whatever. I don’t owe him.”

Dave’s eyes narrowed. “Far be it from me to go self-help guru on your ass, but it’s plain to see you need to get some things off your chest. Talk to the man. He thinks you’re pissed at him.”

“He doesn’t think I’m pissed at him.”

Dave shook his head disbelievingly. “No? Well hey, I guess you gotta believe what you gotta believe.” Dave shut his book and put it away. “Me, I gotta go.” He shook his head again and crammed the rest of his things into his backpack without looking at Seth. He walked away without saying goodbye.

Seth stared after Dave, then grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. His brain was jumbled with too much crazy shit. He needed a change of pace, fresh air, something. Anything.

He didn’t know where to go. He ended up jogging the winding walkways around the library, on toward the dorm and then past, round and round. The wind blew hard enough to make his eyes tear. He ran until he couldn’t anymore, gasping for breath, legs shaking. He bent over, holding onto his knees. When he could walk he made it back to the dorm. He went to bed and fell asleep again, getting up only when he needed the bathroom.

That night Seth stared up the ceiling while another of Xander’s dreams played out. _There’s this, always this, every single night. Only way to get away is change dorm rooms again._

Xander woke. Unlike most times, he didn’t hide it. His voice was quiet, tired. “I’m sorry, Seth. I don’t know what to do.”

“Why are you dreaming this stuff, Xander?”

“I told you once. I’m pretty sure you didn’t believe me.”

“You told me somebody wanted you to come home.”

“Yeah,” Xander said, soft. He didn’t say anything else.

Seth lay there, thinking. He saw himself at the keg party, spinning fantasies about himself and Xander in his head. He remembered going after him. Opening the door. Seeing Xander’s hands all over Mandy, his long body over hers, mouth covering hers. He was tired and on edge and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop thinking about Xander. Wanting him.

Somehow it seemed like Xander’s fault.

“Maybe you need to get some help. Talk to the people in the psych department. They have a sliding fee scale if you need to see someone,” he said slowly.

“You know this how?”

“I’m smart is how.” _I checked is how._

“I told Harvey about what I see in my dreams. He went crazy.”

“Nobody goes crazy because you talk about your dreams, Xander.” Seth’s voice rose as he spoke.

“Remember the football game that day? How the whole damn team acted?” Xander looked at Seth, considering. “Except for you.”

“Because you don’t throw off some damn sex god vibe, that’s why.” Seth sighed. “Try and sleep.”

Xander rolled over. Even from across the room, Seth could see the rigid line of his body.

He couldn’t let it go. “So…who’re you dreaming about? I heard you say some names.” What fucking crazy questions to be asking in the middle of the night.

“Now you sound like a shrink.”

Seth sighed. “Just tell me. Where’s home? What does he want?”

“The dreams used to be…good. Just—I was in the mountains, fresh air, green trees. Peaceful, very calm. There was an isolated village. It’s his home. But now the dreams are only about _him_. About sex. Him fucking somebody, me fucking somebody, sometimes worse. Violent. I have no say in any of it. He’s in my body. He’s…using it. I can see what he’s doing.”

“And you don’t know anything about where this home is?”

“Up in the mountains somewhere is all I know, and…goddammit, the dreams don’t stop, don’t give me a break or let me rest—and now he’s threatening me. He put me in Harvey’s head that last day, let me feel how fucked up he was.” He looked over his shoulder, and even in the dark Seth saw the stillness and misery in his face and something else, maybe defeat. “I know you think I’m crazy.”

“Dreams don’t make you crazy,” Seth hedged.

Anger edged Xander’s tone. “No? He’s growing stronger. He’s real, Seth. He’s _real_. Almost here. Harvey wasn’t the first. And now he’s coming after me.”

Seth stared at him. “Harvey wasn’t the first to go crazy? Somebody else lost their shit because of you and your dreams?” He stopped, hearing his tone. When he opened his mouth again nothing else came. There was no sane way to talk about this, and Xander offered nothing more.

He thought about things that made people crazy. Disease. Physical trauma, bad circumstances, terrible lives. Not dreams.

Xander had gone after his goals, his hopes and yeah, his dreams. The good ones, the life he wanted. He’d done it without anyone’s help or support, without family or a home to fall back on. And now he was losing his mind.

He was going to lose everything, and Seth didn’t know a single thing to do or say to make it different.

He fell asleep thinking about it, and in his dreams he heard the music of a pan flute.


	9. Chapter 9

SPRING BREAK WAS just around the corner. For a change, Seth looked forward to going home. The pressure of finals coupled with Xander’s dreams every night made for a week of hell.

The shadows beneath Xander’s eyes were bruised and dark. Seth was short on sleep, too, enough that he felt tired and snappish, but his anger had vanished. Whatever was going on wasn’t Xander’s fault.

The temperatures dropped a couple of days before the break. Sharp, icy winds blew across campus. Seth and Xander studied in their room that night. The dorm was quiet as a tomb when Seth finally turned in. Xander still studied at his desk, reading in a small circle of light.

Seth woke in the dark, early morning hours, blinking, pulse banging in his throat and ears. The sounds coming from Xander’s bed were awful, hoarse and hopeless. Seth jumped out of bed, across the room in seconds. He reached for Xander and pulled him into his arms, rubbing his back and talking low in his ear until he stopped screaming and started sobbing.

Someone knocked on the door.

“Sorry, I—I had a bad dream,” Seth called out. After a moment, whoever it was left.

Xander quietened by slow degrees. His body stopped trembling.

The fear and adrenaline Seth awakened with were long gone. His stomach roiled and his eyes were grainy. He lay down next to Xander, still holding onto him.

He awakened in the morning, nose shoved into Xander’s shoulder, knees tucked behind Xander’s. The alarm clock beeped relentlessly. He tried to force his eyes open.

Xander reached out, silencing the alarm. “I’m taking a road trip on the break. I don’t guess you—you want to come?” There was weight in Xander’s voice—vulnerability, the expectation that Seth would turn him down.

Seth thought about spending more nights in the same room with Xander. More dreams. He was tired, and he’d promised his parents he was coming home for break. This time he wasn’t going to disappoint them. “I have to go home. I’ve been putting it off too long.”

Xander rolled over, his face sleep-soft in the morning sun coming through the window, eyes dark and steady on Seth’s. There was something in his expression that Seth couldn’t name. It felt important.

Xander nodded. “It’s okay. It was dumb to ask. I know you have family.”

The look on Xander’s face, the words he spoke, nagged at Seth all day, even in the middle of a difficult exam that had Seth tugging his hair. Afterward, he wasn’t sure how he’d fared, but had a vague idea it hadn’t been too bad.

It was his only test for the day. He wanted to go back to his room and relax.

He was on the sidewalk in front of the dorm when he realized how much he craved a soda. Stopping in a little snack area off the lobby, he slipped a couple of dollars into the soda machine and grabbed the bottle, then turned around and stepped hard on someone’s foot.

“Ow, shit!”

“Sorry. Didn’t realize you were back there.” Seth grinned as Stephens limped backward. “Well hell, I’m pretty sure I didn’t break it for you,” he drawled. “What, are you in stealth mode? Try making a little noise next time.”

“I’ll remember that. You’re like a fucking water buffalo.”

Seth raised a brow. “And you watch too many nature specials. Got too much time on your hands? Is it lonesome up there in your widdle room all by yourself since Barnes cut out early this week?”

“Look. Xander doesn’t like me, okay, but you don’t know me, so what say you stop following his lead.”

Seth gave him a hard look, considering. He hadn’t really even thought about it, but…yeah. “Xander likes everybody, so I figure he must have his reasons.”

“Maybe, but you don’t. I haven’t done anything.” Stephens sighed. “This week _sucks_.” He put money in the machine. It clicked and hummed and popped out a soda. “Wish I had booze to put in this.” Stephens looked at Seth, tired and a little wistful. “You wouldn’t happen to have any you’d want to come visit me with?”

“No, nothing in the room,” Seth lied.

“Great.” Stephens slumped. “So, you done for the day?”

“Hell yes, I’m done.”

Stephens smiled at Seth’s fervent tone. They stood looking at each other.

“Yeah. Well, see you around.” Seth headed slowly to the elevator, then changed course and opened the door to the stairwell instead, door banging loudly behind him as it closed. He hunched his shoulders and climbed fast.

It was fucking cold, all metal stairs and no carpet in sight. Seth burst out of the stairwell and opened the door to his room.

Xander slouched in the worn chair in front of the TV, staring blankly.

“How’s it going, zombie,” Seth said.

“Zombie?” Xander looked at him, then back at the TV. “I guess. Hanging in. Still breathing.”

“Zombies don’t breathe, breathing means you survived and beat the zombies. Congrats. Couldn’t tell for a second.”

“What the fuck are you going on about. Your ass is strange,” Xander said.

“My ass is fine. Just one more day, yeah? We can do it.”

“That’s what I keep telling myself.” Xander nodded, then looked down at his hands. “I know it’s been tough on you this semester, what with me, uh—”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Not your fault,” Seth said. He didn’t want to have this conversation. Suddenly he was rethinking Stephens’ offer.

“That’s no help when you had to live with it.”

Seth walked to the cabinet and opened it, grabbed the nearly full bottle of Jack there, then opened the small refrigerator and snagged the beer.

“Not doing this, Xan. It’s nothing you could stop on your own and I know that.” At the door he looked back. “You hear me, man?” There was that look on Xander’s face again that he’d seen lately, like he’d already left Seth a thousand miles back, yet somehow laid wide open. It made Seth turn away, his voice gruff. “Lay off those sleeping pills while you’re on break. Not like they’re helping.”

“Seth. You don’t have to change rooms, okay? Next semester it’ll be better. I promise.”

“Wasn’t going to.” He turned around, remembered thinking just a few nights ago about changing rooms again. Xander kept watching him. “I _wasn’t_,” Seth persisted.

Xander dropped his head, nodding.

Seth closed the door and stood outside for a minute, beer tucked under his arm and breath speeding up, wondering just what the fuck was going on with the both of them.

Then he headed down the hall to Stephens’ room.


	10. Chapter 10

THE BEER WAS long gone, the soda not even a memory, leaving Stephens and Seth with only the Jack to drink. They did, straight from the bottle.

“Stephens,” Seth said, musing.

“Yah?” Stephens hitched his shoulder up higher and propped his head against it. It looked weird and horribly uncomfortable, like a contortionist thing. Seth couldn’t decide whether to laugh or grimace at the dork. Stephens didn’t seem to notice.

“Why do they call you Stephens? Why not Ray or Jack or, or, whatever, what _is _your first name?”

“Hannibal.”

“Oh my god.”

“It sucks, all right.”

“So why does Xander hate you?”

“He doesn’t hate me.”

Seth thought about it, recalled the look on Xander’s face in the hall that day, the set of his body. “I think he does.”

“Nah. He’s just mad at me.”

“About what?”

“None ya.”

“Come on. I want to know.” Seth wiped his mouth. Damn, he had one last exam tomorrow. At least it was in the early afternoon. He’d have time to sleep it off, maybe get in a few more hours studying later.

“You know about Professor Harkinson and Xander, right?” Stephens asked, then looked incredulous at Seth’s blank look. “C’mon, you had to have known. The shit hit the fan after you moved in.” Stephens slapped Seth’s leg, looking gleeful. “Damn. You really don’t, do you? Harkinson was Xander’s professor in theology. Don’t it figure. The two of them ended up getting friendly. _Really_ friendly,” Stephens said, peering closely at Seth to make sure he understood. Seth waved him away and Stephens slapped at his hand, ignoring Seth’s irritated look.

“You’re a gossipy old man, Stephens.”

“That mean you don’t want to hear the rest?” Stephens asked slyly, waiting. “Thought not. It died down between them after a few months. Don’t know why or who decided what, but it makes sense that Xander broke it off, considering what happened.” Stephens lifted the bottle and paused, thinking. “Xander's dick gets him in some trouble. He wasn’t like this last year.” He chugged from the bottle and then made a face, eyes and mouth wide. “Ugh, that stung.”

“So what happened?” Seth’s curiosity got the best of him.

“It was more serious than everybody thought.”

“So what the hell happened?”

The door flew open. Xander stood behind it. “Ought to make sure the door’s shut before you start mouthing off about people who live in the same hall as you.”

“You’re down the other end—” Stephens started, uncomprehending. “You were listening.”

“Xander—I—” Seth said. He stood and reached out. He stuttered, then stopped. Dropped his hands. He didn’t know what to say.

“You could have asked, Seth. I’d have told you.”

“Would you? Anyway, I didn’t know enough to ask.”

Stephens opened his mouth.

Xander glared at him until he closed it. “I thought Michael—I thought we were okay, mostly. We both agreed that that was it. It was never a big deal. Then he started calling me all the time, wanting to meet up. Saying crazy shit. I didn’t know what to do. Then he tried to kill himself.” Xander’s voice was level.

“Yeah, everybody heard he went nuts first,” Stephens said helpfully. Xander glared at him. “What, it’s all over campus.”

“Is he okay?” Seth asked. He blinked. Damn, he was drunk. It was hard to get his mouth working right.

“He’s in some sanitarium out west,” Stephens said. “Seems like the Professor kept the relationship from the powers that be, or they’d both be out on their cans.”

“It has nothing to do with you. Not that that ever fucking stops you from yapping.” Xander stood over Stephens.

“You’re in my room, remember? What the fuck, I’ve never done anything to you.” Stephens stood. Xander was so tall he still loomed over him. “I don’t understand why you’re so fucking pissed at me!”

“It figures you wouldn’t. Dave’s my friend, asshole.”

“What—” Seth started again.

Stephens turned to Seth and shrugged. “I don’t know what his problem is. I met up with Dave once, we got drunk. He spent the night, end of story.”

“You hit on other guys when you’re wasted enough, don’t you, Mr. bi-curious chicken shit. The next day you’re busy trying to pull your hand back out of the cookie jar, talking shit about them and acting like the true dickless wonder you are. Bet that’s what you were gearing up for with Seth, huh? It isn’t happening.”

“Wait a minute,” Seth said, taking a step toward Xander. The room wasn’t steady. “You can’t. Don’t talk for me. I’m right here.” He looked from Xander to Stephens and grinned. “Oh fuck me, the drama.”

Xander grinned back, then quick as lightning glared at Stephens again. “And from now on, keep your nose out of my business. Everybody on this damn floor is tired of you.”

“You’re such a dumb shit,” Seth said to Xander, laughing at the sudden change. He had to grab his arm to keep from falling.

Seth heard the noises first, heavy breathing, soft murmurs. His dick stirred before he could open his eyes. _Goddammit, not again. _He rolled his head and looked at Xander’s bed. It was empty.

Seth sat up and padded to the door, listening. The sounds came from the hallway. He cracked the door open quietly.

Xander’s mouth was open, eyes closed, hands hanging loose at his sides. He leaned against the wall, pants undone. His hips rolled, thrusting slow and sure.

Stephens made a greedy noise low in his throat, shifting on his knees in front of Xander. Xander’s cock appeared and disappeared into Stephens’ mouth, heavy and flushed, shiny with spit.

Something warm and heavy coiled and clenched in Seth’s stomach. He hated it. He hated Xander, who’d made sure Stephens had stayed away from Seth but didn’t have the self-control to keep away himself. Who’d made Seth think, to begin to trust maybe there was something between them. Something he wanted so badly it scared him to fuck and back.

Xander eyes opened, gleaming, face flushed, pleasure written all over him as Stephens sucked and licked.

Seth’s stomach knotted harder. He’d wanted that, too, wanted to see the pleasure on Xander’s face and body when he touched him.

Stephens. Goddamn _Stephens_, of all people.

He watched Stephens’ blond head bob, swallowing Xander’s dick, his lips dragging up and down, swollen and red. Stephens groaned and pulled off, fingers ringing Xander’s cock, sliding tight to the base. Xander’s cock strained, veins bulging, pushing against Stephens’ grip.

Stephens’ face was rapt, holding him there, and then he jerked him suddenly, hard and fast.

Xander moaned, hips jerking. He arched out from the wall, and Stephens licked at the darkly flushed head pushing out from his fist. Xander braced his feet wide and fucked harder, faster, his fingers trying to dig into the wall behind him, going white with the effort. He made a choked sound, head flung back.

Stephens tipped his head back, mouth open, as Xander came.

Xander opened his eyes. He bunched a hand in Stephens’ hair at the top of his head and yanked so that Stephens’ back was arched and throat curved, vulnerable. Xander held him there, still, smoothing his other hand over Stephens’ exposed throat, his chin. He pushed two fingers inside his mouth.

Stephens groaned again, breathy, sucking at the fingers. He tried to crabwalk closer to Xander on his knees and get his mouth on his dick again. His hand was in his pants, stroking himself. He burrowed his head against Xander’s stomach and muttered into his skin, _let me, let me, oh God,_ and _fuck me, let me come on you._ He begged, called Xander names, names Seth had heard from Xander’s dreams.

Seth watched, his mind going blank. Nothing made sense.

Something in Xander’s face and body changed. He stirred against the wall like someone who’d just awakened. The muscles in his arms went rigid. He bent over Stephens, hands gripping his shoulders.

Seth heard words: _don’t let him, Stephens, no, tell him no, can’t let him hurt you__—_

It was fucking ridiculous, but Seth wanted to puke again. Xander made him want to puke. He was insane.

He opened the door all the way and stood there, watched Xander’s eyes grow wide, watched him push Stephens away. Stephens fell over on all fours. Xander pulled at the flaps of his pants, stuffed himself inside.

Seth couldn’t get enough oxygen. He let Xander see the contempt on his face. He wanted to hit Xander. Smash that wrecked, pretty, horrified face. His fists trembled at his sides.

Xander flinched as Seth stepped out into the hall.

Seth pulled the door closed in Xander’s face.

Not long after, he heard an ambulance. The sound of doors opening in the hallway and people talking. The noises finally made him move off the bed where he’d been sitting, motionless, and look out.

Some students were standing around, talking, asking what had happened. John Anders from the opposite end of the hall squatted on the floor next to Stephens. Xander had his arms wrapped around Stephens, trying to keep him from beating his head into the wall.

“What the hell happened?” Seth’s voice was too loud.

Xander wouldn’t look at him. Nobody answered.

Seth closed the door again. He sat on his bed, listening to the sounds gradually fade away. The sun flooded the room, strong and warm through the window.

Xander didn’t come back.

Around eight, Seth took a shower and made coffee. He shook out three aspirins for his hangover and swallowed them, then pulled out the books one last time. He left for his final a few minutes before noon. He tried to push everything else out of his head during the exam, focusing only on the next question and the next. He thought he did well. It should have made him happy, but he felt nothing.

He stopped to get a drink at the water fountain in the hall afterward, closing his eyes and letting cold water trickle down his throat. Then he walked back to the dorm.

The door was ajar. Xander bent over his suitcase on the bed, packing. He had on an old green T-shirt. The seam at his shoulder had unraveled, and Seth saw skin through the small hole.

“I’ll be out of here in a few,” Xander said, not looking up. He picked up a battered acoustic guitar lying on the bed. He hadn’t played it at all whenever Seth was around—it’d sat in the corner. Xander strummed the strings idly, hair hanging over his face, glints of gold amongst the warm brown in the light.

“I didn’t know you played.”

Xander shrugged. “I like it a lot more than I have talent for it.”

Seth sat on the bed, watching him. He felt numb, and it hit him how exhausted he was. “How’s Stephens?”

Xander didn’t look up. “Not good. Hospital’s got him sedated.”

“And you?”

Xander shrugged. “They asked me a bunch of questions. I didn’t know what to say. I can’t tell them anything they’d believe.”

Seth rubbed his eyes. “So you think—” he started, then sighed and shook his head. He didn’t want to ask what Xander believed.

“What?”

Seth shook his head again and didn’t speak. His mind wandered aimlessly, thinking about Professor Harkinson, then the roommate before him. Now Stephens. “Why not me?” His voice cracked. He cleared his throat.

Xander looked up, startled, his face cautious. He put the guitar on the floor. “What?” He hadn’t shaved since yesterday. His hair was tousled and the skin under his eyes was swollen, tired.

“Why aren’t I crazy?”

“Huh. How am I supposed to answer that?” Xander’s tone was wry but he didn’t smile.

“I mean, it just seems like everyone you get too close to is … something’s happening to them. Is it because we haven’t had sex?”

Xander’s hand jerked, and he laid it carefully flat against the coverlet. He stared down at it as though it took all his concentration. “I didn’t have sex with Harvey, Seth. And Stephens… he started talking crazy last night after you passed out. I got scared. He sounded just like Harvey on the day he lost it. I brought you to our room and went back. He just got worse, started grabbing at me, so I left.” He paused, his voice uncertain when he spoke. “We hadn’t—we hadn’t done anything.”

Seth’s face twisted. “Yeah. Sure.”

“He came after me. I don’t know. I lost control or something.”

Seth made an exasperated sound.

“I—shit, Seth. I _did_. I know what it sounds like.” Xander’s gaze fixed on the bed as if he couldn’t bear to see what Seth thought.

“I heard Stephens talking out in the hall. He said crazy shit. Like stuff you say when you dream.”

“I know.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Told you before. I’m supposed to go—to go home. To him. He’s just going to keep ripping through anybody he can get to until I do what he wants.”

“Him,” Seth repeated. He was silent a moment. “What are you going to do now?”

“Road trip. Just some time away. Told you that, too.” _Asked you to come._

“That’s not what I meant. What are you going to _do_—ah, fuck it_._”

Xander finally looked at him. He gave Seth a small, unhappy smile and scratched his nose. “It doesn’t mean much, I guess, but I’m—I’m—hell, there’s no way to make this sound the way I really feel, but I’m sorry, Seth. I wish—I didn’t want to do this to either of us.”

Seth managed a small, jerky nod.

Xander pressed his lips together tightly, closing his eyes, then grabbed his suitcase and backpack. He looked around the room, turning back at the door. His voice was husky. “Get some sleep over the break for me, okay?”

“Try it yourself, you might like it.” Seth's face felt like wood. The numbness spread wider, like it was trying to cover up something else. Protect it.

The door closed behind Xander.

Seth sank back down on the bed. He had to get up. Had to pack. Time to go home. His parents would wonder where he was if he started out late. He pulled his legs up, put an arm under the pillow and dozed off.

_Time to go home._ Xander’s voice in his head, seemingly from nowhere.

Seth opened his eyes, disoriented. He squinted at the clock. Fifteen-minute nap. He still hadn’t packed, but it wouldn’t take long. He rubbed his eyes and sat up.

He remembered Xander’s face when he’d asked Seth to go with him. He’d known the answer before it was given, been strangely open to the rejection. Vulnerable. Like it was something he expected. Something learned. He was alone. Nobody to help.

_I lost control or something._

He remembered thinking the same thing, that Xander had no control over himself.

_Lost control, yeah. Sure. How stupid am I? _After a moment, Seth pushed it aside. It was jealousy, nothing more. Nothing helpful. He needed to think.

Three men Xander knew had gone insane over a period of months. Presumably there was no history there. Nothing about them that would suggest they were unstable, nothing to make people think they were going crazy. And then they had.

There was Harvey, whom Seth knew almost nothing about. There was Stephens. Babbling crazy shit out in the hall about ancient myths, calling out the names of gods and demons and begging to be fucked, for Christ’s sake. And then there was the Professor. An older man.

Something tugged at his memory. At the library with Dave, reading ancient Greek history, and how it was common for older men to have relationships with adolescent males. Pederasty.

Seth had seen Harkinson around campus. He figured his age at forty-something.

Xander was no adolescent, but there was no way to know how long the thing in Xander’s dreams (Seth refused to call it a god) had been looking for him. Waiting.

Seth rubbed a hand over his short hair and huffed out a sharp breath, annoyed. He was crazy, thinking Xander’s relationship with an older man was a kind of catalyst for what was happening. Better to face the truth than make up elaborate excuses.

Xander didn’t want him. Seth needed to get up and out of here, get the hell home.

He stood up and walked to the closet, pulled out his suitcase and packed.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop thinking about the expression on Xander’s face when he’d left. How, just for a moment, he’d seemed to fold in on himself, then pulled it together for a last look around the room.

Seth stood bolt upright, all the shit he’d been thinking about and whether or not he believed it forgotten, unimportant. It meant less than nothing because what Xander had done was say goodbye.


	11. Chapter 11

SETH GRABBED HIS cell phone off the nightstand and fumbled it. It fell to the floor, sliding under Xander’s bed. He cursed, flopped to his stomach and pulled it out, picked it up and dialed. He flew out of the door holding the phone to his ear as he ran down the stairs. Xander didn’t answer.

He ran out of the building into the parking lot. Most of the cars were gone. The wind had picked up, the air still with a crisp tang, more like fall than spring.

Xander was hunkered by his old Chevelle, pulling a jack out from under it. He stood, wiping grease on his jeans. His hair whipped over his eyes, T-shirt hugging his body in the wind. He saw Seth, surprise written all over his face, and smiled. The sun warmed his hazel eyes to gold.

Seth walked up to him, pushed Xander against the side of his car and kissed him.

Xander made a startled sound, breathing loudly through his nose, then another, lower sound deep in his chest. He leaned against the car and pulled Seth closer, kissing him back.

Seth finally pulled away, breathing hard, heart banging in his chest. “So, I’m thinking road trip.”

Xander said nothing, just held onto him, breath warming the crook of Seth’s neck, then kissed him again and again, ignoring catcalls from a few departing students.

Seth went upstairs again to finish packing, calling home while he stuffed clothes into a gym bag. To put it mildly, his parents were less than happy at the news. He really should have planned what he’d say to them before he called.

He locked the room and headed downstairs. Xander’s car was one of only two left in front of the dorm. The Chevelle’s exterior was dark gray with a mirror finish shining in the light.

Xander waited for him, reclining in the front seat. He jumped out and opened the trunk, tossing Seth’s gym bag inside.

The Chevelle had plenty of legroom, was in fact pretty easy to stretch out in, though Seth wasn’t a fan of bucket seats. “How old is this thing?” he asked, settling in.

“It’s a 1970.” Xander pulled out from the dorm’s parking lot and onto the road.

Seth whistled. “I knew it was old, but shit.”

“Yeah, it was a hunk of junk when I got hold of it a couple of years ago. Took me over a year to restore it.” Xander shrugged. “I’d save some money, fix what I could, save some more. Haven’t I told you this before?”

“If you did, I wasn’t listening.”

Xander gave him a look. “Doesn’t seem like you brought a lot of stuff. You got enough underwear for a week?”

“Think I’ll be wearing it much, Mom?”

“You think I’m gonna suck you off so much you don’t need to bother?” Xander smiled slowly. “Maybe.”

Heat flooded Seth’s face. He swallowed.

Xander turned onto the ramp at I-40, punching the gas. “You called home, right? Told your folks you’re not coming?”

“Xan. Don’t mention them when you talk about sucking me off. Okay?”

Xander grinned. “How’d they take the news?”

Seth looked out the window, feeling his pulse slow to normal again. “I’ll make it up to them. Where are we going?”

“Wherever. You get the concept of a road trip, right?”

Seth looked at him.

Xander saw he wasn’t buying it, sighed and turned the radio on. “I just—I have a feeling, all right? I have to follow it.”

Seth eyed him, saying nothing. His eyes roamed over the dashboard, the radio. “What a dinosaur.”

“The radio’s new. Listen.” Xander turned the volume up.

Seth flinched as the music blared, then mouthed a word at him silently.

Xander turned it back down. “What’s that?”

“I called you a motherfucker.”

“Oh. Thought we weren’t mixing moms and fuck talk.”

“What? Did you say something?”

Xander rolled his eyes. “Buzzkill. If it’s not blistering your ears you’re not doing it right.”

“I’d like to keep my eardrums.” Seth wiggled a finger in his ear.

Xander sighed. “Great. I’ve hooked up with my grandpa.”

Seth inspected his finger, then held it out. “Is that blood?”

“Aw, baby. I am so sorry for your widdle ears.” Xander patted Seth’s hand on the seat.

“Eat shit and die.”

Xander looked injured. “That is a little extreme. Necessary?”

Seth considered. “I think so. Yes.” On impulse he rolled the window partway down. The air was fresh with an edge to it. “About where we’re going—”

Xander hesitated. “Okay, look. I’m going home. I mean, not my home, just what he calls it. In my head. And I know it’s hard to believe and you’re not happy about it, but you have to understand that I don’t always know what I’m doing lately or how to—to stop it. You think you can handle all that?”

“No, I’m not. You sure you can?”

“What choice do I have?”

“Okay, then. I’m not changing my mind, Xan.”

“I’m gonna make you come so hard.”

“Counting on it,” Seth said, grinning and maybe flushing a little, too.

Xander stared out at the road, hair flying in the wind. “I want these dreams out of my head. I want control of who I am and what I’m doing.”

“Look, Xander, I’m having a hard time buying into this whole thing, you know that, but I’m not saying you’re lying.” Seth held a palm up, trying to placate. “I know you’re not. But put yourself in my position, okay? This is some really weird shit. And if it is true, isn’t going where he wants you to go kind of like putting your head in the lion’s mouth?”

“I know what it sounds like, Seth, but whether or not you believe me, I’m going. I think, sooner or later, he’ll be strong enough to make me come to him. When there’s not enough of me left to make a difference.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“He’s getting stronger.”

Seth watched Xander’s profile, worried. He hesitated. “How does he get control? What happens?”

Xander looked out at the horizon, fingers tapping restlessly against the wheel. “Started with the dreams. I wasn’t getting much sleep, just trying to get through the day, and then…suddenly he’d be in the driver’s seat. Taking me over—that’s the only way I know how to describe it. I thought I was losing my mind.” He paused. “Remember you told me I needed to see a shrink? I got desperate enough and signed up for the psych clinic before I met you. From what I could figure, the clinic’s working theory involved the loss of my parents and me being afraid of my sexuality.”

Seth could almost hear quotation marks around the words. “Seriously?”

Xander looked at him and rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Good times.” The smooth, low sound of the engine humming increased as the car climbed an incline. “At first I couldn’t buy this shit, that any of this was real, you know? So he pushed harder. He upped the ante, didn’t let me rest. It’s easier for him to do what he wants when I’m wiped out.”

“How?”

“When I’m thinking straight, watching out for him, sometimes I can feel him approach. I can push him away if I concentrate and stay strong.” His jaw tensed. “He’s been showing me what I’ll be like if I don’t give in. He shows me hurting people, like I’ll lose it completely.”

Seth thought he should probably say something, but he didn’t know what.

“I hate it when he takes me over. I feel everything he does, Seth. I don’t want it. Last night, I—I—”

“I get it, okay.” Seth’s lips felt stiff, awkward around the words. He turned away, rolling his window shut and leaning his forehead against the cold glass. The trees lining the interstate were leafing out, fresh and vibrant green.

“It’s not too late to change your mind. I know what I sound like and I wouldn’t blame you. I can take you back,” Xander said quietly.

“No.”

“You’re sure?”

Seth thought about what it could mean for both of them, with Xander not in control of himself. He had no idea how they’d fight it. But at least he would be there. He could try to help. And Xander wouldn’t be alone.

A cloud settled into a valley between two ridges ahead. Seth rolled his head against the window, looking at Xander. “I’m sure.”

His brain flashed onto Xander’s eyes at half-mast, face flushed with pleasure in the hallway. Stephens going down on him.

Seth’s stomach clenched. He turned his head away and closed his eyes, not even realizing when he slipped into sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

HE AWAKENED TWO hours later, the vibration of the car’s smooth roar humming through the seat.

Xander looked over at him. “You up?”

Seth yawned. “No.”

The road before them wound upward, climbing steadily. Blue shadows rolled like smoke over the steep inclines all around them.

Seth rubbed his eyes and sat up, squinting. “Where are we?”

“We cut off from 441 earlier, straight on till morning.”

Seth looked at him. “Seriously?”

Xander smiled, a dimple carving a groove in his cheek.

Seth looked out the window, registering where they were this time. “Shit, what are we doing here?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you realize where we are? We’re above my parents’ place. You drove through a valley, what, a half-hour ago? You should have driven right by our street. Baylor Road?”

Xander stared at him. “No way.”

“Yes way.”

Xander was silent a moment. “Since we’re so close, what say I double back and drop you off?”

“Oh my God, we already had this conversation.” Seth blinked, rubbing his dry eyes again.

“You said it yourself—the stuff happening to me is pretty crazy. For all you know, you’re going up into the mountains alone with some psycho.”

“Sort of like _Deliverance, _yeah? With you as the gay hillbilly.”

“Have you even seen the movie, schmuck? This ain’t a canoe trip,” Xander snapped.

Seth grinned, hoping he’d gotten Xander off the subject. He was wrong.

Xander’s jaw clenched. He pulled off on one of the pull-overs, shoved the car in park and switched off the engine. “Give me a reason why you’re doing this. Going with me.”

“I thought you wanted me to. Have you changed your mind?”

Xander looked startled. “No way. It’s just that no matter how much I’ve tried to convince myself differently, bringing you into this any further is just fucked up. You know it, and you don’t need this. So why?”

“Shit, figure it out.” Seth didn’t look at him. “I want to, that’s all.”

Xander leaned in close, tugged Seth’s arm until he had to look. Their breath mingled. “What if it’s a mistake? What if you get hurt?” Xander whispered.

“It isn’t, and I won’t.” Seth brushed his lips with Xander’s.

Xander’s mouth was warm and dry, a little rough with windburn. Seth couldn’t help himself, tracing Xander’s lips with his tongue. He felt Xander’s chest move against his, breathing in quick, and then he kissed Seth back, slow and sweet.

Seth wrapped a hand into Xander’s hair, pulling. He didn’t want gentleness right now, didn’t need Xander’s worry. He crushed their lips together, then bit Xander’s lip.

Xander stifled a moan, pushing closer.

Pressed into the seat, Seth gave as good as he got, breathing when he could, mouth slipping hot and feverish on Xander’s, stomach tensing, _more, more_ beating in his head, his pulse. But instead he let go of Xander’s hair and cupped his jaw.

Xander broke off and leaned into it, his face soft, so damned gorgeous, longing and need written all over his flushed skin, his half-closed eyes.

“Not alone, Xander, not without me,” Seth murmured, said it again, feeling the moment he gave in.

Xander breathed in rough and uneven, rubbed his cheek against Seth’s, long gentle scrape of stubble and skin and heat.


	13. Chapter 13

THEY’D SEEN NO other cars on the road over the last hour. Seth swallowed against the altitude as the car climbed, ears clicking and popping with the pressure.

Xander turned onto a graveled, winding road rising steeply through the trees. The sun sank low, the hills a dusky purple. The shadows beneath the trees were dark, almost black.

Xander drove slowly and carefully, but the road was in surprisingly good shape, no deep ruts and fairly level. A stream flowed on their left, chattering noisily, swirling around large river rocks and falling over an uneven drop in a rush of white foam.

Finally the road turned and twisted downward again. The stream dropped away, the mountains receding behind twin rocky peaks on either side.

Xander’s car emerged from a serpentine curve onto a relatively level area. The remaining daylight seemed brighter without the hills pressing close.

A gas station and store appeared on their left with a wooden sign painted in peeling red, swaying with the breeze. A garage leaned against the store like an afterthought, beige doors marked by oily handprints.

Down the road was a small church, white with narrow windows and a tall, pointed steeple. A ramp with white rails ran up one side of the porch. The road beyond it curved out of sight.

“I think we’ve got ourselves a bonafide town,” Seth drawled.

“Is that what you call this?” Xander said tightly, eyes scanning the church and the gas station. “Have you ever been this high up in the mountains before?”

“Yeah, but I don’t remember that gravel road cutting off the main road at all. We’re pretty far off the beaten trail.”

Xander pulled into the station lot and switched off the Chevelle’s engine.

“What’s up? You all right?”

“Nothing’s up. We need gas.”

“Fill her up?” Seth asked as he got out, ready to run in and pay. He stomped his feet, trying to jump-start his circulation again.

An old man ambled out of the store in coveralls. He was thin, his back curved, face deeply lined. Gray hair stood out in coarse strands against the breeze. He wore bifocals.

He looked over the top of them. “What’ll it be, boys?”

Xander looked at the old man and then again, closer.

“You all right, son?”

Xander blinked and pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. “Yeah, sorry.” He attempted a grin. “Full service? Really?”

“That’s the way we do it in Twin Wolves. Not likely to change.”

“Twin Wolves? What a great name. Could you fill her up?” Xander held out two twenties. “And do you have a bathroom?”

“Yep, it’s inside. Just go on in.” The old man inserted the nozzle into the gas tank and flipped the switch on the pump. “Don’t get many visitors. Guess you’re driving through?”

“No.” Xander looked up the road toward the church. “Is there someplace we can stay?”

The old man gave them a long look. He nodded. “Take a right half mile up, follow the road. There’s only two houses up there. Beth’s place is the gray two-story on the left. She takes boarders from town, time to time. She’ll be glad to meet you—just tell her Simon sent you.” He patted his stomach. “She’s the best cook in town. You’ll likely be spoiled for other food, time you leave.”

“That’s great, thank you.” Xander hesitated, then held out a hand. “I’m Xander.”

The man held out a thin, gnarled hand, and they shook. “Good to know you.” Simon hung up the gas pump and pulled a money clip out of his pocket.

Xander waved at him. “Keep the change.”

Simon smiled, pleased.

Seth put his hand out. “I’m Seth.”

Simon’s brow wrinkled. He pushed his glasses higher on his nose and peered into Seth’s face, frowning. “You from around here?”

“My family’s lived in the area a long time.” Seth looked at his own outstretched hand and then at Simon, confused. He let his hand drop.

“What’s your family name?”

Seth opened his mouth, but Xander grabbed his arm, jerking Seth toward the store.

“Gotta run, good to meet you,” Seth called over his shoulder, then lowered his voice. “What the hell, Xander? He’s just an old man.”

“You have to piss or not? Do it and let’s go.” Xander opened the faded red door, a perfect match to the sign. A small bell tinkled overhead. “Didn’t you see how he looked at you? Like you’re a big green alien with bug eyes on three-foot stalks that just landed on his parking lot. He’s looking for the bug spray as we speak.”

“He doesn’t like me?”

Xander shrugged. “Sorry.”

“Maybe those are special glasses he’s got on.”

“Whatever. I’m not asking, so don’t you tell me.”

Seth ignored him. “_They Live_. John Carpenter? It’s an old movie. You put these glasses on and you can identify who’s an alien and see subliminal messages everywhere.”

Xander closed his eyes and spoke low. “Fuck me, I told you not to speak.”

Seth shook his arm and looked at him, his eyes dark. “Don’t say that to me. Not when I can’t.” He paused. “Hope old Beth doesn’t complain when we ruin her sheets.”

Xander looked amused. “How are we going to ruin them? Do you have super glue for jizz?”

“Maybe.”

“If she takes in boarders, though I’ll be damned if I know where they’d come from, I’m pretty sure a little jizz won’t surprise her. Or we could wash our own sheets.”

Seth raised both eyebrows. “Sure, no problem. We’ll just go to the laundromat next door to the mall.” He walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. “That was sarcasm,” he added loudly through the door.

“I got that. Thanks.”


	14. Chapter 14

THE OLD GRAY farmhouse spread comfortably across the clearing, warm lamp light from the windows lying in rectangular patches across the lawn. A smoke tree in front of the house stretched its branches wide, purple blooms a dark mist in the dusky light.

Xander parked in the double driveway winding around to the back of the house. He and Seth walked to the front yard, climbed the wide porch stairs and knocked on the screen door.

A woman opened the door immediately, framed in cozy lamp light from behind. She was in her early thirties, tall, with warm brown eyes and dark blonde hair.

Before they could mention Simon’s name, Beth had welcomed them inside. They trailed behind her as she led the way to the living room.

“He called her already,” Seth whispered.

“She’s not old, either,” Xander whispered back.

The walls were covered in faded floral wallpaper, a massive, overstuffed couch running alongside one wall. Across the room, a young woman sat in front of a darkened fireplace, her face tired and worn. A little boy sprawled at her feet, scribbling long strokes of purple crayon over a dinosaur.

“Xander, Seth, this is Sandra and her son, Billy. They’ve been here—what, going on a year? Seth and Xander are staying with us a few days.” Beth smiled.

Sandra nodded. “Nice to meet you. It’s been a long time since anybody new came through Twin Wolves. Say hello, Billy.”

Billy scrambled up, tossing his coloring book aside. He raced around the coffee table, then again, round and round, eyes sparkling mischief, dark hair a cloud of fine curls. He stopped, picking up a toy fire truck, and warbled a siren sound.

“Where’s the fire?” Seth smiled at the boy.

“He’s showing off. He’s not used to visitors.” Sandra shook her head and looked up at Xander. Her eyes widened. “Wow, you’re really tall.”

Billy stopped running to stand by his mom. He leaned back to look up at Xander and almost fell over. Xander grinned at him.

After introductions, Xander and Seth hauled their bags into the house, following Beth upstairs to their room. She hadn’t asked if they wanted separate rooms, which Seth thought was a pleasant surprise.

Just as they finished unpacking, Sandra knocked at their door, summoning them for dinner. They followed her down the stairs and into a hallway. At the other end, two glass-paned doors were open, leading into the dining room.

Billy was already seated at an oak table in the center of the room. “Hello!” he said loudly. He bounced up and down in his seat.

“Hey, there.” Xander pulled out a chair, hitting a back leg against the wide hutch that ran almost the length of the wall behind them. He sat down across from Billy.

“Hi, Billy.” To Xander, Seth said quietly, “Did you scratch the hutch?”

Xander shrugged.

Dinner was meatloaf, fried potatoes and green beans. There was plenty of food, and Beth encouraged everyone to pile their plates high.

“My God, this is good.” Xander wolfed down another mouthful.

Seth nodded agreement, digging in. “Simon was right.” When Beth looked at him questioningly, he said, “He says you’re the best cook in town.” He was pretty sure she’d known already, and the small vanity made him grin.

Billy stuffed another bite in his mouth. He ate some of everything, even the green beans.

After dinner, Seth and Xander helped with cleanup, then headed upstairs again in silence. Xander opened the door to their room, gesturing Seth in before him.

The house’s age was more evident in their room, the walls dark and hung with old paintings, the floors polished hardwood. The queen-sized bed sat beneath a window on the opposite side. They stood, staring at it like it was the only thing in the room.

Seth cleared his throat, his pulse loud in his ears.

Xander pressed his lips together, nostrils flaring, nodding in Seth’s direction. He didn’t meet Seth’s eyes. “I’m taking a shower.” He walked toward the bathroom, flinging his T-shirt off over his head, not looking where it landed.

Seth watched Xander’s shoulders move, the muscles flex in his back. The door slammed shut.

“Hurry!” Seth called. The tension between them felt like a rubber band, stretched thin with Xander’s absence. He stared at Xander’s shirt on the floor, then sank slowly down on the bed and gripped his knees hard, waiting.

Xander was back in record time, towel wrapped around his waist, dark hair wet and combed off his forehead. Droplets of water gleamed on his chest. He looked at Seth, at the white fingers gripping his knees. “Hey.”

“Yeah.” Seth studied the veins on the backs of his hands.

“You should go if you want a shower.”

Seth nodded, walked to the shower. The bathroom was long and narrow, done in pale green and white. He brushed his teeth and took his clothes off, folding them and putting them on the back of the toilet.

The water was too much for his overly sensitized skin. He washed and rinsed quickly and turned off the water, then stood motionless, hands against the shower wall, trying to regain his equilibrium. Water drip-dripped down the drain.

Xander opened the bathroom door. He froze in the doorway, eyes roving over Seth’s body through the transparent shower liner.

Seth was out of the tub in a heartbeat. He pulled Xander inside and closed the door, pushing Xander against it with his body. The feel of Xander’s body against his was overwhelming, body heat sinking into Seth’s wet skin, thigh to shoulder. He crashed his mouth into Xander’s.

“Fuck.” Xander grabbed at Seth.

Seth grabbed a fistful of Xander’s hair and yanked, his elbow cracking against the door. He ignored the pain, pulling away from the kiss, drinking in the sight of Xander’s long neck bared before him, exposed and vulnerable. Xander waited, silent, breathing hard.

Seth pressed his mouth under Xander’s jawline and sucked, biting gently. Xander’s grunt vibrated against his lips. He rubbed Xander’s chest with a wet hand and found a nipple, teasing and stroking, feeling it stiffen, then followed with his tongue, swiping slow and wet.

Xander groaned. It triggered something in Seth. All of the slow, mounting frustration of having wanted him so much over the semester crested, threatened to wreck whatever self-control he still had. He tried to slow his breathing, sliding his face to rest against Xander’s collar bone. He pressed his hand flat to Xander’s chest, concentrating on the curve of skin and bone beneath his fingers.

Xander panted above him, head flung back, fingers gripping Seth’s shoulder. He took a quick look at Seth’s face and groaned, banging his head against the door in frustration. “What is it?” His voice was hoarse.

“Nothing. Just want to slow down.” Seth pressed a blunt thumbnail gently into Xander’s nipple.

Xander rolled his head against the door and looked at him, eyes dark, with that peculiar defenselessness Seth had seen from him before.

Seth smiled a little, suddenly uncertain. “That okay?”

Xander stepped away from the wall and into Seth again, fitted himself to him, their cocks knocking against each other. He put his mouth to Seth’s ear. “I don’t know. Depends on what you do next. All you have to do is move one more time. Or just fucking _breathe _on me, and I’ll come, Seth. You know that? You’re making me crazy.” Xander kissed him slowly, deliberately, then stepped back. “But yeah. It’s okay.”

Seth laughed and rubbed a hand over his hair, blew a shaky breath out.

Xander closed his eyes, squeezed them together. “It is. It’s okay.”

“What, Xan? What’s wrong?”

Xander walked out of the bathroom and sat on the side of the bed. He put his head in his hands and spoke in a loud, cadenced rhythm, cupping his hands over his ears as if drowning someone out, trying to speak over them. “He’s here, Seth, shit. He knows. Trying to get to me. I don’t want him to see you. He hasn’t seen you. Don’t let him touch you. Go away, okay? Just leave.”

“He—why hasn’t he seen me?” Seth looked at him, his stomach gone tight and heavy. Xander sounded and acted _(crazy) _like someone disturbed. Caving from the pressure of working too hard to put himself through college, maybe. Someone who needed help.

_Three grown men. All of them knew Xander. All of them lost their minds. How?_

He remembered Stephens’ voice in the hall, repeating the names of demons and gods. Names from Xander’s dreams.

_Batshit crazy, all of it._

_But three men. What if there’s something to it? If nobody believes him?_

“I don’t know. But I don’t want him to see you.”

“Maybe—maybe he can’t.” Was this the first step? Or only the first Seth recognized? Buying into it. Falling down the hole.

“He wants to—he felt how I want you. He knows.” Xander stood up. His face had gone pale, eyes wide. “Leave. Okay? Please. If he takes me over, he’ll want you.”

“I’m not leaving. Push him out, dammit.”

“He wants to _fuck _somebody, Seth, you get it? He smells it on me, reads all of it from my body. It makes him stronger. It’s his wheelhouse.”

Seth flashed onto Stephens’ face last night. His hands curled into fists. “I don’t want you to—not with somebody else. Not again, okay, not yet.” He’d been wrong, he’d lied when he’d said he didn’t know if he could handle it. Because he couldn’t. Couldn’t watch Xander go, knowing he'd somehow find someone else.

“You knew when you came with me. I _told_ you,” Xander pleaded.

“What if it ruins—this. You and me.” Seth spread his arms, waving at himself and Xander. “You want that?”

“You know I don’t, Seth. But it won’t be me doing it.”

“That’s bullshit. You’ll feel it.”

“Dammit, yes, I’ll feel it. I’ll come and it’ll make me fucking sick to my stomach, and I’ll hate myself more until I feel like I’m choking to goddamned death on it. It’s still better than him having you.”

“Not from where I’m sitting, okay? Don’t ask me to leave you alone with this.”

Xander raised his head from his hands and looked at Seth for a long time. He pulled back the covers on the bed and propped pillows under his head. Gripping the headboard in one hand, he pulled his body higher in the bed, then reached down and stroked himself with the other hand, slow and firm. His dick swelled, tip growing wetter. He smeared the wetness over the head, making soft noises in the back of his throat. “Watch me. Keep me with you, Seth, make me remember why I can’t let him—” He cupped his balls in his hand and pulled gently.

Seth wanted to touch himself but didn’t. “Xander. Fuck. I want to touch you so bad.”

Xander looked at Seth, his eyes wide and dark, open-mouthed. “I want your dick in my mouth,” he breathed, twisting his hand over the head of his cock. “I want to push my fingers in your ass. I want my tongue buried in you, want to fuck you with it, taste you. Everything, all of it. Wanted you since the day you walked in our room.”

“Goddamn,” Seth choked. “Don’t say that, God, not when I can’t—”

Xander’s hand moved faster, gripping tight behind and twisting up, over, dragging back down, dusky skin pulled tight. Wetness slipped over his fingers. “Oh fuck, _fuck__—_” He arched off the bed, stomach muscles bunching tight and round, and fucked into his fist, moaning Seth’s name. Come spurted over his chest and stomach.

Seth watched and lowered a hand slowly, dreamlike, gripping himself, throbbing into his hand. He stroked once, twice, closed his eyes and came.


	15. Chapter 15

SETH WOKE, LOOKING over at the chair where Xander had spent the night. He sat up, heart hammering. The toilet flushed. He sagged against the headboard. He heard water running. Xander came from the bathroom, buttoning a black shirt. He sat on the chair and dug beneath it, fishing, pulling out his high tops and tugging them on.

“Where we going?” Seth asked, throwing aside the covers and getting out of bed. “Give me a minute to hit the bathroom and I’ll be ready.”

Xander jumped a little when Seth leaned to kiss him, a quick brush of lips. Xander’s eyes were red and tired, his face pale, but he smiled at Seth. He’d shaved, and it made him look younger.

At the door, Seth turned. “Don’t leave. I’ll be right out.” He waited until Xander nodded.

Seth hurried, straining to hear the door just in case Xander got some stupid idea to leave him there. He brushed his teeth and washed up, looking in the mirror. His freckles, normally faint enough to be unnoticed, stood out in his pale face. There were shadows beneath his brown eyes. Xander wasn’t the only one this shit was getting to.

He scrubbed his face on the hand towel and walked out. “So where are we going?”

“Hiking.” Xander paced in front of the bedroom door.

“In the rain? Did you bring a raincoat?”

“No. You?”

Seth shook his head.

“You don’t have to come.”

“I know. You up for some breakfast first?”

“No.”

“Coffee?”

“Yeah, if you want, but we need to go. Get your jacket.” Xander was out the door and starting down the stairs before Seth had left the room.

Coffee was brewing in the kitchen, gargling as it dripped into the carafe. Beth was nowhere in sight. Seth breathed deep of the fragrant aroma and rubbed his empty stomach. He glanced at Xander, then sighed and went to the cabinet, found a travel coffee mug. He hoped somebody didn’t need it today because it was going with him.

Xander frowned at him when he grabbed the carafe and pulled it out, still dripping coffee.

“What, you’re in a hurry,” Seth protested, pouring. He took a sip and made a face. The front end of the coffee pot was extra strong. He shut his eyes a moment, sighed and nodded at Xander. They walked out of the kitchen and through the living room.

Xander opened the front door. The rain blew in, cold and wet. They hurried down the porch steps and ran to the Chevelle.

Xander started the car. “It’s not far.”

Seth didn’t bother to ask where.

They drove through town, comprised of a couple of blocks with a grocer, a general store and a few houses on the main road, plus the gas station and the church they’d already passed. The steady drizzle of rain made everything more dreary.

“So this is the whole town. Wow.”

“Yes and no.” In the gray light, Xander's eyes looked like green glass. “There are quite a few more houses behind the main road, none of them really close together. Like Beth’s place. Higher on the mountain are more people scattered around. But yeah, this is all the stores they have. They want it that way—they don’t like attention. There’s no bank here. You have to drive down to Harrisville for that. No fast food. There’s a few kids who make a run for it on the weekends, sometimes. There’s a retired doctor on up the mountain who sees people. His place is really nice. Most of them are. They want everyone to think they’re a poor mountain town, but they do pretty well.”

Seth stared at him. “And you know all this how?”

“The dreams.” Xander’s lips tightened when Seth kept staring. “I knew Simon’s name before he told us, too. I also know we have to be careful around him. He’s trouble.”

“Trouble how?”

“He’s looking for something, trying to find out…something. I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I’m not a crystal ball, Seth.”

“Could have fooled me,” Seth muttered, and Xander shot him a look. Seth ignored it. “You’ve never actually seen him before, right? I mean you’ve never been here, have you?”

“I think I was—I was born here. I don’t actually remember being here.”

“Your birth certificate says you were born here?”

“It says I was born in Stanton. Not here.”

“So how do you know?” Seth asked. “Oh, right. The dreams. Okay, help me out here, Xander, because this is just fucking crazy, you know that, right?”

Xander punched the brake. The car slewed to the side, chewing up mud and new blades of grass. He turned to look at Seth, jaw working. “You know what, I’m tired of this shit. You can’t decide if I’m some fucked up pathetic nut you need to take pity on, or if maybe, just maybe some of this is true. Right? And in between all that you want to have sex, and shit, I’m certainly happy to give it up for you as soon as I possibly can, but no matter if we do or don’t, you’re not going to believe I’m right in the head, are you? The thing is, time is running out.” He looked out the window, breathing hard. “I’m gonna take you back to Beth’s. I’ll give you the car so you can drive home.”

Seth shook his head. “That’s crazy. I’m not taking your prehistoric car, and I’m not leaving you here with this.”

Xander looked pissed. “You know what, that’s not good enough.”

“So what is?” Seth asked, confused.

“I’m not interested in being your damned charity project, Seth!” Xander ran his fingers through his hair.

Seth watched him shift the car into drive, saw the blank expression settle over his face. Xander expected nothing from him. Suddenly it made him furious.

“Stop the car,” Seth said. They rounded a curve. Another, narrower gravel road branched off to the left. “I said stop the car!”

Xander turned suddenly and braked on the offshoot.

Seth glared at him. “Fuck you. I’m not giving you a free pass to do whatever you want and I’m not listening to this shit and acting like it all makes sense. Deal with it. I’m staying, you idiot. Get it through your stupid gargantuan head.”

Xander stared at him, eyes narrowed, silence stretching on.

Seth glared back.

One side of Xander’s mouth turned up. “Don’t look at me like that.”

Seth ignored him and kept glaring.

Xander threw his hands off the steering wheel in surrender, hands open. He started the car up the narrow drive again, the tires digging into gravel.

The gravel faded away until they were left with a narrow, rutted dirt road, little more than a muddy trail. Xander winced as they rocked forward over roots and rocks jutting from the ground.

“This has got to be shit on your car,” Seth said helpfully.

Xander ignored him. He stopped the car and looked around. To the right lay two fallen trees, one trunk crossing the other at a near right angle. “This is it,” he said, nodding to himself. “We walk from here.”

He got out of the car. The rain was slowing but steady. His breath plumed in the air.

“This is it? Walk where?” Seth opened the car door a crack.

“You’re like a stoned parrot. Slow and repetitive.”

Seth looked insulted. “Necessary?”

Xander nodded thoughtfully. “Yes.” He looked around, a slow half turn in the mud. “You know what, stay here while I go—”

“Shut up.” Seth slammed the car door. It was loud in the silence, though the rain muffled it some.

“Stop slamming the door.”

“I didn’t slam the door.”

“You did. It’s my car and I don’t want the door slammed. Plus you’ll draw attention to us.”

Seth looked around. “Draw attention? Whose attention?”

“Are you repeating everything I say on purpose?”

“No. I need more coffee. Who the hell is out here to notice us?”

Xander shrugged, looked uneasy. “Never know. C’mon.” He started off, climbing a slight incline covered in more wriggling tree roots, rocks and limp wet leaves. The trees were tall and narrow, ferns growing underneath. Rain pattered on the foliage. Rain and mist combined overhead into smeary clouds swaddling the treetops. Xander walked ahead, long legs eating up ground.

“What are you looking for?” Seth called.

“He’s calling me. I’m following.”

“That doesn’t sound so good, Xander.”

“I said I was going to face him, remember?”

“So, what do we do if we find him? Don’t you think we need a plan?”

Xander didn’t answer.

The air had been still and settled, but a breeze built as they climbed. The mists swirled higher, moving east. It had gotten colder. Their jackets were useless, soggy and chilled against their skin. Xander moved on, heedless.

The trees fell back, giving way to a small, rocky clearing. Rain dripped into Seth’s eyes. He tripped over a stone protruding out of the ground, pitched forward and fell to one knee.

“What is this place?” he asked, trying not to snap. He rubbed an arm across his eyes and looked across the clearing. In the middle was a mound of dark, wet stuff, dirt or ash, and behind that a rectangular stone table. “Shit,” he breathed. “What is that?”

Xander turned, looming over Seth on the ground. He leaned and reached out a hand, face pale and unsmiling. His hair hung over his face, wavy and dark with rain.

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Seth grasped Xander’s hand. It was icy.

Xander looked immense, his shoulders wide, leaning over Seth. He legs were spread and he stood tall, his whole body somehow appearing bulkier. Like someone else stood there.

Someone who didn’t fit. Who didn’t belong.

“You okay?” Seth asked cautiously. He squeezed Xander’s hand.

The breeze gusted, high and then lower, music breathing in the wind. The rain came down hard, driving into the ground.

Seth rose, grabbing Xander’s jacket collar. Water dripped off Xander’s hair. Seth hauled him closer. “Talk to me.”

Xander smiled, sensual and cruel, mocking. He didn’t know how to smile like that.

Seth’s skin crawled. Instinct almost made him pull away. Instead he stepped into Xander’s body and cupped a hand to his neck, rubbing over his jaw with a thumb.

He spoke in Xander’s ear. “I can’t walk off this mountain without you. Do you hear me, Xan? I—I watched you all the time back at the dorm. I knew I shouldn’t, that I’m obsessed with you.” Seth’s face burned, but he kept talking. “You dream all the time, but so do I—my dreams have always been about you, ever since I met you. You knew, didn’t you? But you never turned away from me. Not once.” He pressed his mouth gently to Xander’s. “I know you’re in there. I know you hear me. Xander, why are we here?”

“I’m supposed to be here.” Xander’s voice was thin, almost drugged, fading in. “He told me to come. The black goat. The demon, the god. He’s angry. He knows I have someone to keep me away from him. He wants to see you. But it’s funny.” Xander’s body shook against Seth, and Seth clutched him tight with both arms. He didn’t know if Xander was laughing or crying. “He can’t _see_ you. You’re right here and he knows it, but it’s like you’re a cutout, an absence of space. He’s digging around inside me looking for you. Feels like he’s making me bleed. Has to have his sacrifice.” Xander pulled back, his eyes pleading. “He wanted me to bring you here. I’m so sorry, Seth. I didn’t know why he called me, I swear. I would never have come.” He laughed and pulled away to sit heavily on the ground. “Joke’s on him. This is as close as he can get to you without taking me over, and he still can’t see you. He can’t hear you.” He looked up at the sky and grinned. “He’s blind to you.” He laughed again, shook his head. His eyes went wide and he ducked his head, put the heels of his hands to his head. “Fuck, it hurts.”

Seth sat down in front of him, put his hands on Xander’s as if to absorb the pain from him. “Don’t listen to him. Look at me.”

“Everything I do hurts you and I can’t even see it coming.” Xander tried to smile again but it came out wavering and sad. “Please, Seth, go home. You’re right. I’m crazy.”

“If you are, then so am I. You think I’m the one keeping you from him?” Seth thought a minute. “You said he can’t see me. I’ve never felt him, never been harmed by him.”

“Seth—”

“I’m sick of you telling me to go, Xander.” Seth’s mind raced, falling deeper into the hole. It made him feel strangely detached, and he knew that a part of him feared he was going insane. Like the others.

He didn’t feel crazy, though—he felt exactly like always. Maybe _more_, somehow. Alive.

“You feel him coming sometimes, right? Like now. You know things about him and me and this place. Things you shouldn’t know. I think you’re a bad match for him, Xan. This Pan’s bloodline comes from a prophetess, right? I wonder if somehow you magnify that. And it lets you fight him. Have you ever had anything weird happen to you before, like visions, or some kind of esp?”

“I brought you here so he could _see _you,” Xander said as if Seth were slow.

Seth nodded. “You didn’t know.”

“That doesn’t change what I did. You have to go. I’ll make you go.” Xander’s eyes burned hard and hot on Seth’s. “Simon knows something, I told you that. If he puts the pieces together you’ll get hurt. You won’t be safe.”

Seth closed the gap between them until inches separated them. “What pieces? You said you’re supposed to be here. What if I am, too?” ”

“You’ve got nothing to do with this.”

“Then why can’t he see me?” In his mind, he saw the entrance to the black hole vanishing. Disappearing behind him, closed off. _In for a penny and all that shit._

“I don’t understand why you’re doing this.” Xander didn’t try to hide the old nightmares playing out behind his eyes. Seth couldn’t see what they showed, but he felt Xander’s fear.

“I know,” Seth said, his breath ghosting over Xander’s mouth. He leaned closer and kissed him. He’d been wanting to do it for hours. He’d been watching Xander all day, the way the muted light of the overcast sky glanced over the hollows and curves of his face, the way dimples grooved his cheeks when he laughed, the way his hair darkened and curled around the nape of his neck when it was wet.

“I’m supposed to be here. I am. I feel it,” Seth said. Xander’s lips were cool, wet from the rain. Seth pressed close, sharing warmth. His hands roamed under Xander’s shirt, warming the cold skin beneath his fingers. Xander panted against him, open-mouthed, and Seth’s pulse climbed and clawed through his ears, his body, narrowing to a sharp-edged, trembling urgency until he thought he’d lose his mind.

Xander shoved him away, hands shaking against Seth’s shoulders. He brushed past him and walked back the way they came.

Seth stared after him, rubbing his mouth and trying to get himself under control. He didn’t say anything, didn’t try to stop him, thinking that for the first time he understood the blind want in the thing coming after Xander. 


	16. Chapter 16

SETH CLIMBED BACK down the mountain, looking at the ground beneath his feet. The wind whistled around the trunks of the trees like music in the air, flowing around his body. It was freezing.

When he looked back up, Xander had disappeared around a bend. Seth wasn’t worried. Xander’s legs ate up the distance.

Xander waited in the car, hands on the wheel, motor running. Seth opened the door and sat down, and Xander was on him in a heartbeat, shoving him back into the seat and kissing him, hard and wet and hungry.

He broke off, leaning his forehead against Seth’s. “He’s coming for me, Seth. We both know it. Whatever happens, I—shit, I want you just as much as you want me. You know that, don’t you? What I did before we left makes me sick, and I know it’s crazy and you don’t believe me, but I swear I didn’t want it. And I don’t want you to go.” He scrubbed his hands over his face and looked at Seth again, his eyes still red and tired like they’d been that morning, only now he was imploring and dejected all at once, as if he didn’t expect to be believed.

It did something to Seth, to see Xander laid bare. But as much as he wanted to reassure him, he had to look away, confused.

Xander hesitated. “I just—I think it’s all coming apart, and I don’t know if you can stay, not without getting hurt. I can’t stand it, not because of me. Not because of _anything_.”

“I saw you up there, Xander. Like somebody else was in your body. Maybe we’re crazy together, but I believe he’s after you. As for yesterday, I wanted to kick Stephens’ ass. I can’t believe how much I am into the whole pissing contest thing when it comes to you,” Seth mumbled, feeling his face flush, trying to banish the images of Stephens and Xander in the hallway. “It’s fucking pathetic. God, I just don’t know how to act around you. All I can think about is how to get—damn—” He looked away, his face turning even redder.

“Get what? Sex? Told you, you’ve got a lock on that,” said Xander, but his face closed up.

Seth grabbed his face with both hands. “That’s not it. It’s—fuck. I don’t know. It’s just you.”

“That’s not supposed to get me hard, is it? Dammit—” Xander swore, falling back against the seat and putting distance between them. He adjusted his pants.

Seth tried to give him a scornful look, pretty sure it came off as dismal and sex-starved as it felt. Xander verified it by grinning at him. Seth felt exposed and stupid and scared. Shit, who talked about all this crap anyway?

People who had an oversexed and homicidal god coming after them, who didn’t know how much longer they had together and had never had sex together even once, that’s who.

God, his dick was _killing _him.

“If you tell me to go away again I’ll punch you in the face,” Seth said fiercely.

Xander shrugged. “I can’t help it.” He looked out the window, then started the car.

On the way back down the dirt trail, Xander’s hands drifted from the steering wheel. His eyes glazed. The car bumped off the road, grazed the nearest tree and kept rolling.

Seth reached over with his left foot and stomped on the brake. “Xander. Xander, hey! What’s he doing to you?”

Xander looked at his hands in his lap as if he didn’t realize they were attached. He looked at Seth, his gaze dull but focusing gradually. “Trying to get in.” His face was full of hectic color.

_Fever_, Seth thought, and touched his forehead. He was hot.

“You’re sick. Why didn’t you say something?”

“I’m not sick.”

“Shut up, you are.” Seth reached over, put the car in park, opened the door and got out. He rounded the car to the driver’s side and opened the door. “Move over, I’m driving. Tell the stupid fucker demon god he’s going to get you killed. He can’t just do that to you anywhere he likes.”

Xander slide over the seat and sagged against the passenger side car door. “He takes what he wants, he doesn’t ask.”

Seth was suddenly, blindingly furious. He pounded the wheel in frustration. “If there’s any way to do it, man, I’m going to kill him.”

Xander stared out the window. “If there is, you’ll have to get behind me.”

“Don’t count on it.”

Seth drove the rest of the way home. He pulled into Beth’s driveway around to the back. Simon approached from behind in an old tan truck, beat up as hell. He waved and walked to the back porch.

Xander cursed. “Remember what I said. You don’t tell him anything. Don’t offer any personal information—especially about where you’re from. I mean it.”

“I heard you already. He’s just an old guy.”

“You said you believe me, Seth, so you have to listen. Say nothing personal at all. You hear me?”

“I hear you. C’mon, we gotta get you to the room. I’ll see if Beth has some aspirin or something.”

Simon held open the back door, looking out as the two approached. “How’s Beth treating you?”

“She’s great, Simon, how are you?” Seth said.

“Why are you here? Where’s Beth?” Xander asked.

Simon peered at Xander coming up the stairs. “She’s right inside. In the sitting room. Something wrong?” He smirked like someone half his age.

Seth’s brow furrowed. “He’s sick. He’s got a fever.”

“He’s soaking wet. What you boys been into?”

“Nothing,” Xander snapped. “Why are you so curious?”

Simon frowned, his eyebrows lowering. “No need to be rude.”

“He didn’t mean it. He’s sick.”

“Not sick. I told you that.”

“Stubborn, too,” said Seth, looking around. The three of them were crowded inside a small room with a washer and dryer.

Simon nodded toward the hallway. “Tell you what, I’ll get a pitcher of cold water for the bedside and some aspirin. You take him on up to your room and I’ll bring it up. I reckon Beth will want to make him some soup for lunch.”

“Okay, thanks.” Seth ushered Xander into the hall and up the stairs.

They changed as soon as they got to their room, Xander into a T-shirt and jogging pants, Seth into dry jeans and a shirt.

Seth led Xander to the bed and pulled back the cover. “Would you look at this.”

“What?” Xander lay down with a sigh.

“The sheets are white, so jizz stains shouldn’t stand out much. Not that it matters with you sick.”

Xander gave a thumbs-up sign, then let his arm flop back to the bed. “It matters. I’m going to get in your pants if it’s the last thing I do.”

It was said casually, but it got to Seth. “All you have to do is say the word.”

“I know. Believe me, I want to.” Xander rolled onto his side, pulled the covers up and huddled under them. “Could you get me something to drink?”

“Simon’s bringing something in a minute.”

“Just don’t say anything and you’ll be fine.”

“Now who’s the parrot? I got it, okay?”

Seth stepped out of the bedroom just as Simon appeared in the hallway, holding a tray with a pitcher of ice water, two glasses and a bottle of aspirin. There was tea as well, steaming in two glass cups.

Seth nodded. “Thanks. And would you thank Beth for us?” He took the tray from Simon.

“Hope he feels better.” Simon turned back to the steps again.

Seth went back to the room, pushing the door closed with his foot. “Sit up.”

Xander sighed. “Okay.” He took the glass of water Seth poured and the aspirin, swallowing them. “You know, I suck at facing down demonic sex gods. Or godlike sex demons. Or Pan with a bad attitude. Whatever.”

Seth picked up a cup of tea. “Here, try it.” He handed it to Xander and lifted the other cup from the tray, tasting it. “Ah, that’s nice. Chai tea.”

Xander took a sip, then drank half of it in one gulp before handing the cup back. He sighed and lay back down. “What are you going to do now?”

“Do you feel like eating?”

“Not really.”

“Well, I’m going to see what food Beth’s got for a sick person who doesn’t want to eat, and then I’m going to eat some of her famous food for myself.”

“Not sick. Not hungry. Just tired,” Xander grumbled, curling up under the blanket again. His hair stuck out over the edge. “Go on, get some dinner, or lunch, or whatever. I know you’re starving.”

“Okay, but I’ll be right back.” Seth looked around the room for Xander’s cell phone. “Call me if you want something before then, yeah?”

“Sure,” Xander mumbled, already near sleep.

Seth left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. He headed downstairs for the kitchen.

Simon stood at the counter. The coffee maker dripped a final drop or two into a nearly full carafe.

Seth took in a deep breath. “God, that smells good.”

“Figured it might.” Simon held out the mug of coffee to Seth, then turned to pour himself one. “The two of you looked plenty miserable coming back. You take care of the boy?”

Seth took a sip of coffee, then another. It was hot and strong. “As much as I could. He needs to sleep. He needs to eat, too.” He slipped his phone out of his pocket to look at the time. “Man, it’s 3:30. We were out longer than I thought.”

“Not that we’ve had many visitors, but I can always tell the townies whenever they come through.” Simon sipped his coffee. “They’re always checkin’ the time.”

Beth came into the kitchen on the tail-end of the comment. “Hardly ever. Most folks don’t realize we exist.” She smiled at Seth. “We mostly like it that way. I’m one of the more sociable ones around here—I like some company now and then.” She opened the refrigerator. “You think Xander might eat something?”

“He said he wasn’t hungry, but he hasn’t had anything today. Maybe something light?”

“I think maybe some chicken soup,” Beth decided. “Always good for sickness.” She closed the refrigerator door and opened the top freezer, pulling out a container. “Frozen, but homemade.”

“It sounds great,” Seth said. “Anything I can do?”

“Nothing to be done, really.” Beth pulled the lid off the container and put it in the microwave. “I just need to heat this up.” She opened a box of crackers and poured a drink, then put them on the tray. The microwave dinged and she stirred the soup, then put it in for another minute and stirred again. The room smelled fragrant. “Taste it.” She held the spoon out to Seth. “Hot enough?”

Seth nodded. “It’s good.” His stomach growled.

Beth poured a bowl full and put it on the tray, then handed it to Seth. Seth took it up the stairs, set the tray on a side table and opened the door quietly.

Xander walked out of the bathroom. He turned to get into bed, his sweats hanging low and clinging to his ass.

Seth stared at him. “No fair showing off when you’re sick.”

“I’m not sick and I’m not showing off shit,” Xander said, hitching half-heartedly at his pants. He slid into bed.

“Brought you some soup,” Seth said, disappearing a moment to grab the tray. “Why aren’t you asleep?”

“Why aren’t I ever?” Xander asked grumpily.

“Dreams?”

Xander shrugged.

Seth sat down beside him and felt his forehead. “That’s better, I think.”

“You’re like a Jewish grandmother.” Xander closed his eyes and sighed, leaning into Seth’s touch. Seth didn’t think he realized he’d done it.

“So you like Jewish grandmothers?”

“Of course I do. I’ve never had anyone look after me like this before. What’s that?”

“Chicken soup.”

Xander smiled. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. Told you you’re psychic.” Seth leaned close and kissed him lightly.

“Come back here.” Xander reached for him.

Seth shook his head. “Eat.”

“Eat later,” Xander insisted.

“You love to eat. You’re worrying me.”

“Good grief. Don’t worry. Not about this. I love to do other things, too.”

“You’re not feeling well.”

“Jesus, you’re extreme.” Xander sighed. “I give up.”

“Good. Eat.”

“You eaten?”

“Not yet.”

“What? So go eat, then.”

“You’ll finish your soup if I do?”

“For God’s sake. I’ll finish my soup. Go,” Xander said, holding Seth’s gaze to his. “Then come back. Soon. Okay?”

Seth gave him another quick kiss and jumped off the bed. “Be right back.”


	17. Chapter 17

SETH RACED DOWN the stairs as if by rushing he’d get back quicker. He slowed just as he reached the kitchen. Simon and Beth sat at the table, both of them drinking coffee.

“How’s Xander?” Beth asked.

“He looks better already.”

“Good. I’ve got more soup. Help yourself. Soda, tea and milk are all in the refrigerator.”

“Thanks.” Seth managed to remember where the bowls were located in the cabinet and grabbed a spoon from the drawer. He filled his bowl and pulled a soda from the refrigerator, then set everything down at a spot at the end of the table and dove in.

Beth laughed. “A good appetite, I like that.”

“Sorry,” Seth said, abashed. He tried to slow down. The soup was delicious.

“Don’t be. I love to see someone enjoy my cooking. They take it for granted around here.”

“And that’s called fishing for compliments.” Simon looked at Seth, mouth quirking humorously. “That will never happen, dear,” he added, patting Beth’s hand. “It’s a small town but we’re not unappreciative, and you know it.”

“Can I ask you why Twin Wolves is so—so…” Seth trailed off, not wanting to offend.

“Isolated? Insular?” Beth asked. She shrugged. “We’ve been like this since the town came into existence, so the old folks like to say. It’s almost a…point of pride, I guess. If it were possible, I wonder if this town wouldn’t completely shut itself off.”

“We lose a lot of young people, but not all. Some of them even come back,” Simon added. “Your friend, for example.”

“What?” Seth said. His spoon clattered to the table, and he didn’t know how he’d dropped it.

“He’s a troubled boy.” Simon nodded, affirming his statement.

“He’s fine,” Seth said. He looked into the bowl. He hadn’t eaten all of the soup. He felt nauseous. Sweat prickled over his body in a sudden flush.

“He will be. He’s home.” Beth put a hand on Seth’s arm. “How are you feeling?”

Seth blinked slowly. “Home?”

Beth smiled and slid her chair out. She picked up Seth’s bowl and dumped the rest of the soup down the garbage disposal. “You didn’t eat all of it. I thought you liked it.”

Seth stared at her, then down the length of the table. It seemed twenty feet long. He dropped his head into his hand to keep it from falling. He heard the faucet run and then the disposal.

“We ran the Mayfairs off these mountains long ago.” Simon’s voice rose, then lowered as Beth turned the disposal off. “It’s what Pan Agreus wanted. Turns out your family was a bunch of stubborn cusses and wouldn’t move far. They should have gone away and never looked back.”

“You—what you are you saying? Agreus?”

Beth patted his hand. “Poor Seth, acting like you know nothing about any of this. I suppose you must try.”

“’M here cause of Xander. Wanta help him. Don’t you hurt him.”

“He’s promised to Agreus. Nobody in town would hurt the chosen one.” She looked at Simon. “Speaking of, you should probably check on him.”

Simon nodded and stood, going out the kitchen door.

“What’d you do to him?” Seth said, trying to shout. It wasn’t even close—there was no strength to his voice. His fingers, clutching the edge of the table, were white with effort.

“The same as we’ve done to you. Don’t worry, he’s safe. Which is more than I can say for you, frankly. Agreus still sends Simon dreams, sometimes. That’s how we knew Xander was coming. We knew nothing of you. How do you keep yourself from our god? How did Xander?”

“You’re crazy.” Seth’s tongue felt swollen and strange in his mouth. He tried to rise and couldn’t.

“You told Simon your family lives in the foothills. We went through your wallet while you slept. Imagine our surprise when we realized you’re a Mayfair.” Beth leaned close, confiding. “We found your family.”

“I swear to god—”

“We’ve hurt no one. Simon called and asked for you. Your mother told him you were on a trip with Xander, so then we knew for sure. What did you think you could do here that would help him, Seth?”

Simon came back in the room. “He’s fine. Out cold.”

Beth nodded and beamed at Seth. “You really weren’t careful at all, were you?”

“I didn’t know where he was going,” Seth whispered. “I just wanted to be with him.”

“To protect him.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Of course you did. You’re a Mayfair,” said Simon. “Your bloodline is immune to demons and gods.”

“I can’t hear or know some mythological beings that don’t _exist_.”

“Xander can’t have hidden himself completely from you,” Beth said kindly. “The dreams can’t be disguised. Or do you think he’s insane?”

“He’s from Twin Wolves, as your people originally were. And you’re telling us you didn’t know?” Simon laughed.

“Believe what you want.” Seth’s voice slurred. “The dreams have taken everything from Xander. When he said he had to be here, I came with him.”

Simon laughter turned to a smile. “Good.”

“Good? Do you know what this is doing to him?”

Simon leaned closer. “We’ve been waiting.”

“Why?” Seth whispered. He dug fingernails into his palms to stay awake.

“Xander was promised to Agreus at birth. But when Xander’s father died, his mother was alone. She was afraid. She ran. Nobody could find her. We tried so hard.” He shook his head. “Our only hope was that someday the boy would trigger, even far away from Pan and these mountains. For a long time, he didn’t. But finally my dreams came back. I saw Xander and his erastes, the catalyst that brought him home.” Simon sighed. “There’s too much of the seer in the boy, I think. Something in his blood calls it from Pan and Sose. It complicates things.”

“He knows everything the bastard does. It tortures him.” Seth lowered his face to the table. His cheek rested against the surface. It felt cool against his hot face. “He sees it all. He hates it. He hates him. He’ll hate you.”

Beth leaned to kiss Simon’s cheek. “It’s almost time, sweetheart.”

Seth blinked at them. “You’re—Jesus, are you—”

“Beth’s my wife,” Simon said. “Is that what you’re asking? I’m two years older than she is. Pan rode me for two of the nine-year cycles, same as all who are promised to him. He never rides easily. Wore me right out.” He put an arm around Beth’s shoulder. “But in return, he takes care of my family, the town and these mountains.”

“Sandra, Billy.” Beth turned to the kitchen door.

Seth’s focus narrowed, darkness closing in. He bit the inside of his mouth, tasting blood, and made his eyes stay open as Sandra and Billy walked into the kitchen.

Sandra’s eyes were flat, blank. Billy clutched her hand, eyes to the floor.

“The promise between Twin Wolves and our god will be kept. Agreus has waited so many years for Xander.” Beth bent to Seth’s ear. “He won’t wait much longer. Billy’s been promised, just as Xander was.” She pulled back until they were eye to eye. “What do you think he’ll do to Billy if you keep Xander from the god?”

Seth blinked. His eyes refused to stay open. Darkness swallowed him down.

He dreamed of Xander walking on the path leading up the mountain, moving further and further away.


	18. Chapter 18

SETH AWAKENED FACE down on the cold ground, hands tied behind him. He was parched, the inside of his mouth dry and papery, and his pulse felt heavy and slow. He rolled over and sat up, listing drunkenly. Chill night air pebbled his skin. Somebody had taken his shirt and shoes.

Black shadows wavered between him and the fires spaced around the clearing. Smoke roiled and curled up into the sky. The air smelled like burnt hair and roasted meat.

There was a hoarse yell, muffled and directionless. Seth scrambled awkwardly to his feet, staggering, dizzy. The shadow-people didn’t interfere, giving way before him.

The trees loomed over the clearing he and Xander had visited earlier, contours lost in the orange glow of the fires, striped in between with solid darkness. They looked like prison walls made to hold everyone inside.

In front of the ash heap, dark stains splashed the ground. Seth squinted, moving closer. It was blood. Fucking shit, it was blood. He raised his eyes and blinked, once, twice. A dog lay atop the mound of ashes, shrunken, angular and pathetic. Other bones jutted from beneath, blackened and burned bare.

Movement caught his eye. Xander was sprawled across the stone altar on the other side of the ash pile. For one heart-stopping split-second, Seth was convinced he was dead, sacrificed like the poor dog. Adrenaline overwhelmed his body so fast he gagged, nearly sick, shaking in reaction.

Xander struggled against two men holding his arms spread straight above his head. Knotted rope trailed from each of his wrists, which helped the men hold onto him as he writhed and fought. Another two men pulled his legs apart. They used their weight for leverage as Xander kicked and bucked.

They’d taken his clothes. His body gleamed with oil, flickering gold and red with the fires ducking and wavering in the wind.

Another man, blond, tall, in his early thirties, separated himself from the shadows. He laid his hands on Xander’s bare stomach, palms flat, rubbing his skin as if soothing a nervous horse. Gradually his hands moved in wider circles, sweeping up and down Xander’s body.

Xander flinched. He rolled as much as he was able, trying to get away from the hands. The man bent, blond hair gleaming in the light from the fires. He licked his lips and lowered his mouth to Xander’s thigh, his hands still moving over Xander’s body. His lips trailed over the join of thigh and hip.

Xander cried out miserably, tried to sit up. His arms and legs shook with strain, pulling against the grip of the men holding him down. Seth’s heart contracted into something hard and tight, nauseating. Unbearable.

The people who’d faded away from Seth moved close again, surrounding him in a dense knot. They were faceless black shadows, obstacles to be removed. He waded in, pushing forward. Hands grabbed his arms, unwanted heat against his icy skin. He flung some off, twisted free of others. Somebody brought a fist smashing down, catching him at the crook between neck and shoulder. He staggered and looked up.

Xander had stilled, watching. “Let him go. I’ll let you, I swear, just don’t.” His face shut down, panic disappearing, everything gone. Blank.

It made Seth want to hit someone, maybe Xander. “All this time you’ve dreamed of this place, been drawn to them, and this is what it was for? Don’t give them anything. Fight them!”

“Calm down, Seth. We don’t want to hurt you.” Beth’s voice came from the dark and smoke. She stepped close, her hair flying in the wind, limned in firelight. She wore a long white dress, sheer and whipping against her body. She was lovely. He wanted to kill her.

“The cambion will take him and Xander will dream away the time, that’s all. Agreus will walk again. It’s always been this way.”

“Beth, please, you—” he stopped pleading at the look on her face. “He’s not a willing vessel, he’s not—he _sees_. I thought this was about giving the damned—the god pleasure. Not about forcing Xander to live through what he does. ”

“You can help him, Seth,” she said, patient.

“You don’t understand. He feels people touching him, feels himself touching them. There’s no goddamned pleasant dreams whiling away the time while your god has his fun. What do you think that feels like, having someone force you?” He was shouting, tears running down his face. There were hands all over him, holding him back.

Beth smiled. “You’re the one who doesn’t understand. Tell him to let go and stop fighting it. That’s all he has to do.”

“What makes you think he can? What the hell makes you think I would ever do that?” Seth bared his teeth at the people around him, shoving the nearest away.

“You don’t want him hurt, do you? We don’t. He’s one of us, and he’s making a great sacrifice. He was chosen.” Her voice rang over the clearing.

God, how he hated her. “You’re insane. Why don’t you ask your husband how it feels to wake up eighteen years later a dried-up old _man_—”

“You’re incredibly stupid if you don’t think I understand the cost.” Ice now, cold and imperious. “You’re an outsider, come to tell us how things are supposed to be simply because you say it’s so. You know nothing of us. This is Xander’s destiny.”

“What the fuck is that, what does that mean? You know something’s gone wrong. Have you ever had one of them suffer before he’s taken them? Have you ever had to hold one of them down and force them to submit?” Seth yelled.

Beth spoke to Xander. “Before he died, your father gave you to Pan Agreus to honor the town’s promise. It can’t be undone. The cambion’s desires will tear you apart. The goat will rut. But maybe one of us can help you lose yourself to him. Who do you choose, Xander? All you have to do is ask. And when it’s over, Seth can go free.”

Xander and the men holding him down all looked at her. “How do I know you’ll let him go?” Xander said.

“Pan will allow you to take him away from here. He’ll let you see. He only wants him gone.”

Xander looked up at the black sky. Then he looked at Seth, sorrow and something else on his face that made Seth stop breathing for a moment.

“You can’t,” Seth whispered. He said it again, louder, then screamed it.

“They’ll let you go,” Xander said.

“Who do you pick, Xander?” Beth asked.

Seth couldn’t get his breath. His eyes burned. He didn’t care who heard, who saw. “Don’t do this. Don’t make me watch it.”

Xander’s mask slipped further. “I had to watch, too. In the hallway. I saw what it did to you, and me being sorry about it doesn’t change jack shit. I’m still going to make you look that way again. I am already.” His voice shook.

“Two days ago, remember? You told me you didn’t want to do this to either of us. So just don’t. Please.” Seth’s breath stuttered, stalling in his chest.

“There’s just this last thing to get through, Seth, okay? To remind you why you need to get away from me. Then it’s over. You can go home.”

“I can’t. I won’t.”

“You can. You didn’t even know me a few months ago.” Xander spoke louder, desperate. “It’s not just me in here. He’d hurt you, and it’d be my fault. How am I supposed to let that happen, Seth? Tell me.”

Seth’s heart beat hard and fast, panicking. Losing ground, no matter what he did. It couldn’t happen this way. “I’m asking you to say no, please say no.”

Xander squeezed his eyes shut as if it hurt to hear him.

“Choose,” Beth said, calm and sure.

“I don’t care who.” Xander’s voice was dead.

Beth nodded and the tall blond man bent over Xander again, speaking. Seth couldn’t hear it. His hands moved over Xander’s body, a hand cupping his cock. Xander didn’t move.

Seth finally recognized the still, waiting look on Xander’s face. It was the look he’d first seen when he’d woke up in Xander’s bed the morning after a bad dream. Xander wasn’t afraid. He hadn’t been then, either. He was giving in, facing it and pulling away, both, because he didn’t think there was a way to make it stop.

Something hard and hot, huge, tore loose inside Seth, in his heart, his gut. He lurched forward. Hands grabbed at him, dragging him back and adding more weight to the look on Xander’s face, to the fear inside Seth that said _too late _and_ you can’t save him. _He twisted and kicked blindly, got someone in the knee, whipped his own knee forward and buried it in someone’s balls. He kept his eyes on Xander as much as he could. He could see the sweat and oil on Xan’s face, gleaming over his closed, vulnerable eyelids.

“Look at me!” Seth’s shout ripped from him, harsh, demanding that Xander see him, remember he was there.

Xander’s eyes snapped open, out of focus, then widening, coming to life, fearful. Fear for Seth.

Seth’s vision narrowed, swirling with heat and darkness. More hands pulled at him. He knocked them away with fists and elbows, twisted from them, dragged others along with him. So close. Nearly there. He threw his head back, a quick snap, and caught someone in the face behind him, heard a shriek. He lunged forward and grabbed the stony lip of the altar, pulling forward.

The men who held Xander stared at him but didn’t move to stop him. Xander’s eyes opened wide, amber and green and slanting in the flickering light. It sharpened his cheekbones, pooling shadow in the hollows beneath. Seth reached out, put his hand to Xander’s neck under his jaw, felt his pulse thundering beneath his fingers. It reminded him to stop, to breathe.

He turned to face the circle of people around him, found Beth. “He’s not going to feel what he needs with any of you. But he will with me.”

Beth’s hair whipped behind her, then back, curling around her face. “You think you’ll save him? You’re giving him to us.”

“Is that a yes, then?” Seth asked.

“_No_,” Xander said, loud, frantic.

“Yes.” Beth laughed.


	19. Chapter 19

SETH SPOKE IN Xander’s ear. “Nobody’s really had your back before, have they? But I do, I’m here. Now listen to me. How did you keep Agreus away last night?”

“You,” Xander said slowly. He licked his lips. “I watched you. Felt you.”

Seth nodded. “If he can’t have his sacrifice, if he can’t touch you here and now on his turf, I think you’ve beat him. We’re going back to school, Xan, you hear? We’re going to graduate, get everything you worked for.” He leaned down slowly, kissing him as if no one else was there, long and slow, putting his heart into it, his hope and his need.

Xander answered. He tasted of fear and heat and so much want, spilling out of him.

It was electrifying. Seth’s heart raced. He crushed their lips together, tongue exploring Xander’s mouth. He was panting when he pulled back. He couldn’t take his eyes from Xander. Xander’s pupils were blown wide.

Seth unbuttoned his jeans, pulling them and his briefs down together. He was on fire, the cold air a relief on his skin. He felt the eyes of all the people in this fucking cult over him, watching, but he didn’t look. He didn’t care. He only looked at Xander.

“You’re setting us both up to lose.” The skin around Xander’s eyes was swollen, like he’d been crying.

“We have to try, Xander. You have to let me try.”

Xander’s expression twisted. “It’s not a game. You lose and you get hurt. It’s not worth that.”

“Don’t make me say something stupid, because I will. And don’t make me beg,” Seth said, his voice so soft he already was. He leaned close and kissed him again, his hands roaming over Xander’s chest and across ridges of muscle, fingers dragging over oiled skin. He closed his eyes, listening to Xander’s breathing speed up, feeling the heat and warmth beneath his hands, inching below to Xander’s flat belly and finally, finally over his cock. Seth opened his eyes.

Xander looked up at him, inhaling sharply, cock jerking against Seth’s palm. “He wants you so much. He’s right here with us, a shadow just behind my eyes. So greedy, so hungry. He’ll shove my brains out of my skull if it means he gets what he wants.” Xander’s words hitched, tone dropping lower. “He wants to see you as much as he wants me to say yes to him. He wants to fuck into you while you’re helpless, open to me. And if you open to him because of me, he’ll rip your mind to shreds. He feeds off me wanting you. I can’t do this, you understand? I can’t—get the fuck away—get him off me!” Xander screamed, head up, glaring over at Beth. “You fucking bitch, you get him off me or I’ll kill you no matter who wins, you hear me?” Xander bucked, twisting away from Seth’s hands on him.

Seth wrapped a hand around his jaw, slid his other into his hair and held him. He nipped small kisses over Xander’s mouth, taking his time. Slowly he let him go, feeling Xander’s body shake against his. “It’s too late. You want me to leave you here but I can’t, I _can’t_.”

Xander turned his head away, jaw tense. A tear ran down his face. When Seth tried to kiss him again he jerked away. “We don’t have _any clothes_ on and they’re watching us. Fuck. Look at them.” Xander breathed out heavily. He laughed, and then his breath caught in his chest. “I’m so tired of all this.” His face smoothed. He reared up, yanking against the two men holding his arms. “You getting off on us, you fucking asshole perverts?” He looked out at the crowd in the clearing, silent. The fires crackled and popped. “I don’t remember this town. I don’t remember you.” He grew louder as he spoke. “If I could, I’d bring these mountains down on you. I’d bury you. Your Pan is fucking dead. He’s dying inside me now.” He turned his face to Seth and raised up, trying to yank his arms free again. This time the men who held him let him go, though they didn't move away. Xander pulled Seth to him and they kissed again. The clearing was silent, waiting.

Seth’s hands roved over Xander’s body, stopping at a nipple, rubbing lightly back and forth, feeling it stiffen. He dropped his head after it and bit. Xander’s back bowed off the table. Seth was shaking, felt his balls draw up, excitement and something else, need or want, he couldn’t tell the difference. It knotted together with something dark, obsessive. Possessive. He wanted to push it away, but instinct told him the god might understand–that he should give way to it.

His hand rubbed over Xander’s warm, smooth stomach, felt a small pulse beating there, then lower, trail of hair from Xander’s navel soft against the pads of his fingers. Then lower again. He curled his hand around Xander’s balls and tugged gently. His heart was in his throat, mouth dry and pulse loud in his ears.

Xander’s dick pulsed hot and huge against his wrist, the head flared and flushed. Seth curled his hand around Xander and jacked him with long, slow strokes.

Xander moaned, threw his head back. Seth climbed on the table, the stone rough and icy cold against his knees. He pressed himself to Xander’s burning body, raised his hips and pumped himself, smearing oil over his dick from Xander’s body. He grasped both their cocks in his palm, sliding hot and smooth together. Xander rocked, thrusting into his hand.

“You going to cooperate and fuck me now?” Seth panted, trying his damnedest to grin, reassure, but Xander didn’t smile back. Seth slipped his other hand between his own legs, put oiled fingers to his hole, rubbed and pushed a finger inside himself. Fuck, it felt good. He felt himself opening to the pressure, sparks of pleasure radiating from his spine.

“Yes." He gripped the back of Seth's neck, pulled him down and kissed him.

Seth tensed. Something was wrong, too rough, it wasn’t—

“I see you, Mayfair.” Xander—_it_—smiled. The wind wavered so that the flames danced over its skin.

The men at Xander's side-stepped back into the shadows, while the crowd surrounding them drew closer.

Seth jerked back, horrified, everything in him trying to shut down. But he couldn’t afford to retreat.

The thing stroked himself and groaned, squeezing his cock. He arched, the muscles in his thighs quivering, pushing his dick through his fist. Xander’s mannerisms, the way he held his body, the way he moved, was gone, replaced by another, someone who was malevolent and huge, existing beyond the bounds of Xander’s body.

Seth breathed slow and deep, trying to keep panic at bay. He heard someone in the crowd groan.

He lay down against Xander’s body. Xander could see and feel him. Xander felt what the monster did. If the thing stole Xander’s body, still it didn’t own him.

It’s eyes were Xander’s. Hazel, beautiful. Alien, looking out at Seth, lustful and knowing. It smiled with Xander’s face, the deep groove in his cheek curving just as it did when Xander was happy.

Seth blinked against the hot scratchiness in his eyes and the voice inside him, screaming at him to get the hell off this table, run and never look back. He looked at the people standing all around. They smiled when Xander did.

The thing put hands on Seth’s shoulders, pulling Seth’s body effortlessly beneath him. Seth didn’t resist. The town might not feel the god all the time, but here in this circle, it was all they could feel. They wanted Seth crushed, stripped raw. He saw it in their eyes.

“I’ve listened and looked for you so many times,” the thing said in Xander’s low, confiding voice. “Now I see you. There’s no magic in you. You don’t know why you can’t hear the gods, do you?”

“You’re behind the times.” Seth tried to keep his tone nonchalant, knew he was failing miserably. “The rest of the world can’t hear you.”

“Yet you can protect him, and the rest of the world can’t.” The thing looked slyly at Seth. “He hates himself because he couldn’t send you away, because he can’t keep me out.” It kissed Seth, a seizure and possession, hands clamped around Seth’s head.

Seth kissed him back, repeating Xander’s name in his head like a touchstone. Xander could feel him, would know he was touching him.

The thing pulled away, lips shining wet and full in the firelight. “You’re nothing,” it marveled, full of good humor. “Why would he want you so much?”

A tear rolled down Seth’s face. The demon curved his tongue and licked it into its mouth.

“Now,” it breathed, arms crushing around Seth. Xander’s cock brushed against Seth’s ass. “Spread your legs for me.” The blunt head nudged at the ring of muscle just inside, splitting him.

He wasn’t ready. Xander might be in there, but it wasn’t him, and he wasn’t ready.

The need to avoid the demon's gaze was nearly physical. It made Seth angry, so he looked straight into its eyes, unwavering. “You were in Harvey’s head when he went crazy, Xan. You’ve got a seer’s blood. This is his town because they can hear him. They’re all open to him, to you now. Give them what’s in me, what kept you safe even when we didn’t know each other existed. Deafen their ears to him. Push him out.”

It shut its eyes, brows bunching and forehead creasing as if in pain, turning away. Seth grabbed his chin and forced Xander’s face back to his. “It’s about what _we_ want, you fucking parasite. Xander, let them feel what we can do together.” He kissed Xander’s throat, bit down and then licked over the place with his tongue, desperate for him to hear. “Listen,” he breathed, thinking of all the times he’d heard Xander in the dorm–the hurried breathing, stifled groans in the dark–while he shook with the need to reach across the room and touch him, just once. “I want my hands on you, want to breathe you in, want you inside me, making you come. God, I want to make you come. I want to wake up with you in the same bed with me.”

The thing’s cock slid from Seth. It opened its mouth as if to speak. No sound came out. Its eyes widened.

Seth whispered in its ear. “Xan, you've always been alone, you know how it feels. Don’t leave me alone with him.”

“Twin Wolves is mine.” The beast's mouth opened, panting, not with pleasure. Its arms rose. Hands fastened around Seth’s throat.

Seth kept his eyes on Xander, fighting to pull in air, trying to squirm from under the solid weight pressing him against the table. The grip around his throat was immovable. He got a leg free and swung it, trying to pull Xander off him. Hands seized his leg and held it tight. The orange glow from the fires enveloped the edges of his vision and crept inward.

The thing’s eyes changed, grew softer and younger. The harsh lines in Xander’s face relaxed.

Suddenly Seth could breathe. He arched upward, coughing, drawing in great breaths of air. The men who’d grabbed Seth’s legs let go. They seemed unsure what to do next.

“I’m sorry, oh fuck, shit, please be okay.” Xander sat upright, reaching for Seth, and Seth grabbed Xander’s hands, nodding. Xander looked up at the people in the clearing. “That promise my parents made is as dead as they are. I hope you and this goddamned town rots in hell.”

Seth pointed at Beth. “She talks about your destiny. We’ve won. She knows it, and these people know it.” Seth pulled Xander close and spoke in his ear. “I’m yours, you’re mine. Got that?”

Xander laughed. “Neanderthal.” He pressed his forehead to Seth’s and nodded.

“We’re fucking naked,” Seth added, and Xander nodded again.


	20. Chapter 20

THE FIRES WERE dying, the people surrounding them black silhouettes. Xander touched Seth’s chest as if to anchor himself. “Pan’s gone. He never owned me, and he owns none of you.”

Voices rose, confused. Beth stood in front of Xander, eyes wide, mouth a thin slash. “Where is he?”

Xander looked up at the sky, then into the woods. “Dead, I hope.”

“Tell me what you’ve done to him.” She took a step closer.

“It was both of us,” said Seth.

Simon grabbed Beth’s hand, forcing her to halt. “I can’t feel…anything.” He stood still, listening, concentrating. Finally he shook his head. “There’s nothing out there. Agreus is gone. The boy’s telling the truth.”

“You paid with eighteen years of your life—of _our_ lives to him. He can’t just be gone. Why would he leave?” Beth’s calm disappeared, voice trembling.

“He was waiting for his vessel,” Xander said. “I refused him, thanks to Seth. He ran out of time.”

“It can’t be that easy.” Beth searched the clearing as if looking for the god in physical form.

“Easy.” Seth stared at her. “How many of his chosen ones refused him before?”

“He promised to take care of us.” Beth looked at Simon.

“He’s gone, or he’s left.” Simon pulled Beth to him. “Maybe it’s time.”

Sandra pushed to the front of the crowd from behind Simon. “I’m leaving. I’m taking Billy away from here.”

“Why? This is your home,” said Simon.

“Home should make you feel safe and protected. I thought you and Beth loved Billy, I really did. And then Beth said Billy was the next chosen one. What would have happened to my son if Pan hadn’t pursued Xander to the very end? This place isn’t our home. It's dangerous and sick.”

Seth had had enough. It was fucking cold and they were discussing this shit as if sitting in someone’s parlor drinking tea or something. He and Xander were _naked_, and cupped hands did not warm a cold set of–

“Where are our clothes?” Xander crooked a grin, the giant ass, leaning nonchalantly with a hand propped against the cold stone as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Seth took a moment to enjoy the view because he’d gone through hell, but he wasn’t dead. Xander’s grin grew.

“Behind the altar,” said Simon.

Sandra considerately looked away while Seth and Xander climbed off the altar and found their clothes heaped on the ground. Seth pulled his pants and underwear on as fast as he could, nearly falling when his pant legs tangled.

Xander steadied Seth with a hand at his back, then pulled his clothes on with an effort, grimacing.

“What?” Seth asked.

“The damned oil they slathered on me. I need a shower.”

They finished dressing and rounded the stone table again, stopping in front of Beth and Simon.

“Whatever you feel about us, this is where you’re from. It’s home,” Beth said to Xander.

“You want me to give my life up to this place and then tell me it’s home? Here’s hoping you and this mother-fucking inbred party town goes straight to hell,” Xander said.

“You still have family here,” Beth said.

Simon nodded. “Aunts, cousins.”

Xander’s eyes narrowed. “They knew about this.”

“Yes.”

“Then I don’t have family, just like I always thought.”

“I’m so sorry for–for everything. I was afraid for my son. I hope you can understand,” Sandra said.

Xander swept a hand through his hair and looked at Seth, then nodded. “Where’s Billy?”

“With his grandparents. I’ll take you back to get your stuff if you want.”

Xander nodded again.

The fires had died to flickering coals. The show was canceled and the freaks were still waiting. For what, Seth didn’t know.

“Go home,” Simon told them all. The banked fires gave his face color, as if some essential spark of life remained inside him.

Seth didn’t believe it. It was an illusion.

Xander looked at Beth and Simon. “I will fucking ruin your precious town if you ever come after me again.”

“You can’t,” Beth said. “Nobody will believe you.”

Xander towered over her. “You,” he said, teeth gritted, “I should just kill. Save me some worry.”

Simon stepped in between them. “Outsiders may believe something of what you say, enough to draw attention and investigate Twin Wolves, I think. We’ll leave you alone. We’ve paid, too.” He looked at Xander a long time, the silence stretching on. “I knew your parents. They were good people. I’m sorry you never knew them.”

Xander walked away, shoulders set, radiating contempt. Seth and Sandra followed him. The people in the clearing opened the path before them.


	21. Chapter 21

SANDRA PULLED INTO the drive at the farmhouse, Nissan rolling to a stop, engine idling. The headlight beams crossed the winding drive and lit up the trees on the back edge of the property.

Sandra cleared her throat. “I really am sorry for everything.”

Seth looked at her from the backseat, nonplused. He’d thought he liked her, but she’d known what was happening and hadn’t told them.

“What was it like for you, living here?” Xander asked, in the passenger seat. “Did everyone in Twin Wolves know about Pan’s existence?”

Sandra thought a moment. “Simon, Beth, a few others–they basically catered to Agreus. The rest of us all heard him, but we didn’t have to do much. We were all close, bound together by him. We felt taken care of, I guess. It came with a big price. He was… overwhelming. It felt like he could just, you know, usurp who you were. Make you feel things, relax your inhibitions, to put it mildly.” She gave them a wry smile. “That’s how I got pregnant.”

Seth and Xander both looked at her, startled.

“It’s okay. I got Billy out of this mess.”

“So you’ve known of him all your life?” Xander persisted.

She looked back at Seth, then Xander. “Even as a kid, yeah. His presence grew stronger at puberty.” She shook her head. “It’s strange, not hearing him. I think he…took something from us. Our energy, somehow.” She smiled. “It’s good now. Peaceful.”

“Where will you go?” Seth asked.

“We can stay with Billy’s grandparents until I find a job and get out of here. I worked at a shop in the foothills until I had Billy. That’s the first place I’ll try.”

She’d said ‘Billy’s grandparents.’ Nothing about her family. “Do you have family here?” Seth asked.

“No, not anymore. That makes it easier.”

“Good luck,” Seth said. “Thanks for bringing us back.”

“When are you leaving?”

“I can’t get out of here fast enough.” Xander opened the door. “Take care, Sandra.”

Seth looked up at the sky. The stars scattered across the sky like diamond drifts, so many more visible in the mountains than he was used to seeing. He got out of the car. Crickets chirped from the grass. The blooms of the smoke tree shrouded the dark, crooked branches in front of the house.

He and Xander climbed the steps, the porch warmly lit. Beth had left a light on. Sandra pulled away, the Nissan’s headlights sweeping over them as they opened the front door.

Seth flipped the light on in the foyer. They climbed the stairs to their room, gathering their belongings hurriedly. They were outside again in five minutes flat, throwing their bags into the Chevelle’s trunk, then climbing into the front of the car.

Xander sighed as the engine turned over. He caressed the dashboard. “Hello, baby. Take us out of here, will you?”

Seth opened his mouth to make a smart-ass comment, then closed it. Truth be told, he was glad to be safe in the car, too. He’d never tell Xander, but the familiar roar of the engine was a relief.

The mountains were dark in a way that the city never was, the Chevelle’s lights cutting through the night with a clean sweep of light. The trees pressed in on both sides of the graveled path. Seth hadn’t noticed how close they were to the road in the light of day. It was kind of spooky.

“Hey, do you want me to drive?” Seth asked, though he felt as exhausted as Xander looked.

“Nah, I’m good.” Xander shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “The oil they slathered over me is fucking gross, though. Sticking to my clothes.”

“You’re still sick. You should let me drive.”

“I don't get sick much, and when I do I heal fast. And I haven’t known you long enough to let you drive my car.”

Seth stared at him. “You’re shitting me. You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“I shit you not.”

“I saved your life. Remember that?”

“I know.” Xander gave him the side-eye. “Still not letting you drive. She knows you don’t like her.”

“Who says I don’t like it–her?”

“Let’s see. You called her a thing. Prehistoric, you said. A dinosaur.”

Seth popped Xander in the shoulder with a fist.

“Ow,” Xander said, expression unchanging. “That really hurts. You’re really strong.”

“Ugh.” Seth eyed Xander’s shoulder, shirt clinging to skin. “Your clothes are literally sticking to you, aren’t they?”

“So don’t touch me.”

Don’t you get tired of saying that to me?” Seth sighed. “Anyway, you think I don’t remember but I do. You offered to let me take your car if I’d leave you here.”

“I lied. And I didn’t mean it when I said not to touch me, either. Do it. Touch my gross, oiled body.”

“I just popped a boner,” Seth said, and Xander laughed.

Xander took the turn onto paved road. By the time they got to tourist territory lower in the mountains, both of them were starving. It was after three in the morning and the tourist traps were lit but mostly empty. Finally they found a square restaurant that served square burgers, open twenty-four hours. After eating they hit the bathroom, both of them bone tired. Seth went outside to get Xander clothes from the trunk while he washed up as best he could in the sink, then changed into the clothes Seth brought inside. Both of them in the bathroom was a tight fit and awkward as hell, jostling against each other, but neither of them cared.

Seth caught one of the employees giving them a strange look as they came out of the restroom. “Whatever,” he muttered, and when Xander asked “What is it?” he shook his head.

They left the restaurant. The Chevelle gleamed darkly under the bright lights. They piled into the car.

Seth reached over and felt Xander’s head. “You’re a little warm.”

“It’s you, man. You make me that way.”

“How original.” Seth said it softly, leaned forward and kissed him, pushing closer. His hands roamed Xander’s back. Xan smelled like fresh laundry now that he’d washed and changed. Seth almost forgot himself, where they were, lost in Xander’s mouth, his heat. He opened his eyes a moment and saw the employee through the glass staring at them as if astonished.

The look on the guy’s face was too much. Seth laughed against Xander’s mouth.

Xander pulled back, confused, his mouth flushed and full.

Seth looked at him and his heart skipped a beat. “Jesus, look at you.”

“What?”

“I just–you.”

Xander still looked confused.

Seth changed the subject. “I think we should go to mom and dad’s house. They’re not far from here.”

“Baylor Street, right? But you told them you weren’t coming home this week.”

“So they’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

“With a guy in tow.” Xander fidgeted, fingers tapping against the steering wheel.

“So?”

“Didn’t you say your Mom’s in denial about you being gay? How happy do you think she’ll be to see me?”

“Well, it’s funny you should ask, because you’re assuming I’d tell them we’re, uh, seeing each other.”

Xander’s brows lowered.

Seth grinned. “Which is exactly what I’m going to do, so–look, we need sleep. And you’re still sick.”

Xander looked up and down the road. “We’re in tourist town. We could rent a place tonight.”

“Sure, and they’ll throw us out in the morning, and we’ve paid for a whole day for a few hours sleep. Let’s go.”

“I would argue some things are worth it, but shit, I’m extremely money-conscious.” Xander started the car, grumbling as they got closer to Seth’s house.

They turned onto Baylor Street a half-hour later and began the winding climb to Seth’s house. The lots grew larger as they drove, the houses further away from the road. Finally they came to a yard with an ornate bronze mailbox, Seth’s address embossed on one side. Xander drove up the concrete driveway, the tension ratcheting on his face as the seconds passed and the house appeared only in flashes.

The driveway curved. At last Seth’s home came into full view before the headlights: stone walls, three-storied and rambling over a stretch of land. Ivy climbed up one side.

Xander stopped the car. “Good Christ, are you rich?”

Seth shrugged. “My parents do okay.”

“If this is okay…well, I guess I don’t know much about money.”

They shut off the car and sat in silence, waiting to see if they’d been noticed. The sky was still dark. No lights came on in the house.

“C’mon, Xan.” Seth reached for the car door.

Xander grabbed his arm. “Let’s not wake them up, okay?”

Seth looked at Xander’s anxious face. He nodded. “Back seat, then?”

They scrambled over the front seat into the back. There wasn't enough room, but it didn't stop them from falling asleep, limbs entwined, exhausted.

Sunlight awakened them. They blinked and sat up, yawning and sighing, leather seats creaking.

This time when Seth opened the door, Xander followed reluctantly. Birds chirped high in the trees, and the air was cool and sweet. Xander halted on the walk leading to the front door. Seth tugged at his hand, finally turning.

“Necessary?” Xander asked, pleading.

Seth nodded slowly. He looked at the house again, a lump in his throat.

Xander noticed, jaw jumping with tension.

Seth sighed. “Okay. I won’t lie, it might not be easy. Mom doesn’t want to believe I’m gay, and Dad…who knows. I think he’s okay with it. It doesn’t matter. It’s time they face up to who I am and time I stop running away from them. I’m tired and my head’s a fucking mess and my boyfriend’s even worse. We need help, and I just need to make sure they’re okay with—with _me_.”

“Now’s the time for this? _Now_?” Xander looked ready to run.

Seth nodded.

Xander lifted a brow and nodded, too, as if in sympathy. “Naturally.” He paused. “Boyfriend, huh.” The corner of his mouth lifted, pleased, though his eyes still looked worried.

“Oh, yeah.” Seth nodded confidently.

“Oh, no. Shit, wait—I don’t mean I’m not your boyfriend, of course I am. I mean I don’t do parents. I don’t even _have_ parents, that’s how much I don’t do them.”

Seth grabbed Xander's head, pulled him down and kissed him thoroughly. Xander relaxed gradually against him, sighing when Seth finally stepped back.

The front door opened. Seth’s mother stood at the door, his father just behind her. Xander looked at them and then stared at Seth, eyes wide. For all his size, he still looked every inch a panicked boy.

Seth smiled shakily, pulled him close and kissed him again.


	22. Chapter 22

SETH BROKE AWAY from Xander and faced his parents. His mother was a small woman with short, highlighted hair. She was wide-eyed, as discomfited as if Seth had never come out to her.

Seth’s dad broke the first, frozen moment, clearing his throat and blinking at his son. Seth met his eyes, flushing, a little pissed at himself because he felt the dull heat moving over his face and couldn’t stop it.

Seth’s father was tall and still fit, though soft at the edges. He had light hair and glasses that made him look owlish. “Come in,” he said simply. He touched his wife’s arm. They stood to one side of the door, waiting.

“Mom, Dad, this is my boyfriend, Xander. Xander, these are my parents, Norma and David Mayfair.” Seth stood still on the walkway. It was stupid, introducing Xander from outside the house, but he found himself unable to move.

Xander took a deep breath, stepped over the doorsill and held his hand out to Norma. “Mrs. Mayfair, it’s nice to meet you.”

Seth gawped at him, amazed. He sounded so confident. Where the hell had that come from?

Norma’s eyes were still lemur-sized. “You’re Seth’s…boyfriend?” She sounded slightly breathy. Like she’d been punched in the gut, maybe.

“I am. Seth’s talked a lot about you and Mr. Mayfair.”

Norma looked at Xander’s hand, then seemed to realize she hadn’t taken it yet and did. Xander exhaled a slightly shaky breath, turned to David and they shook. David looked bemused.

His father liked the fact that Xander had the good sense to tackle his wife first, Seth realized. It helped him move again. “Sorry to drop in without warning.” He stepped inside and kissed his mom.

His parents led the way from the spacious foyer into the living room. The floors of the house were dark, shining walnut, the ceilings high.

Heavy furniture decorated the living room in warm, matching shades. Seth’s mother sat at the end of the couch opposite the screened fireplace. “You told us you weren’t coming home.” The words were unemotional, almost flat.

“I know, Mom.” Seth breathed in, striving for calm. “Do you feel like having company for a day or two?”

Norma blinked, taken off-guard. “Company? You’re not company.” The idea of her son being company seemed to bring her back to herself. It was like watching an iceberg thaw at high speed. “You look tired.”

Seth smiled at her, relieved. “We really are.”

“Seth, take Xander to the bedroom at the end of the hall. Do you have bags?” David directed the last to Xander.

Xander nodded and stood. “In the car.”

Seth followed him back outside. The sun was too bright, and dammit, he had a miserable crick in his neck from sleeping in the car.

“So how do you think it’s going?” Xander fished in his pocket and pulled out the car keys.

“I hate how I froze up. It hit me like a ton of bricks—it was all on the line.” Seth spread his arms wide. “But you! You are an awesome, stupendous, incredible, amazing boyfriend. You handled my parents like a pro.”

“Yeah?” Xander's eyes shone. “Had to step up, I guess.”

Seth grimaced. “Somebody did. I was shook.”

Xander unlocked the Chevelle’s trunk, face alight. “No problem.”

Seth leaned forward and dropped a kiss on his mouth. “I don’t know why I let Mom get to me.” He picked up his gym bag of clothes.

Xander shrugged and grabbed his suitcase and backpack. “She’s your mom.”

Back in the house, Seth led the way upstairs to his bedroom. A queen-size bed sat beneath the outer wall of gray stone, a tall window above. The other walls were white and mostly blank.

“Looks kind of empty.” Xander examined the room.

“I cleaned out the high school shit a long time ago. Never got around to doing anything else with it.” Seth tossed his bag onto the floor and left the room, leading Xander down the hallway.

This is a hell of a house,” Xander said. “My boyfriend’s rich, looks like.”

“Not rich, but not poor either. I told you my dad’s a developer.”

“You didn’t tell me he was good at it.”

“He’s good at it.” Seth opened the door to the room where Xander was to stay. It had the same outer wall of stone and a full-sized bed with thick wooden posts. An expensive-looking area rug covered half the room.

Xander set his luggage down. “Now what?” He yawned.

“Get some rest. I’ll come get you for dinner. You need anything?”

“A shower. I saw the bathroom in the hallway. Where are you going?” Xander pulled his shirt over his head.

“I’m gonna visit with the folks.”

“You need me to come with?”

Seth shook his head. “God, look at you. Why is it I always get to look but I can’t touch?”

“You can touch,” Xander said softly.

Seth swallowed. “I have to go.”

Xander’s face turned serious. “Soon, then.”

Seth couldn’t resist, reaching out and pulling Xander close, brushing his hand up Xander’s back and over taut, smooth skin.

Xander’s eyes widened, watching Seth. Neither of them spoke. His mouth hovered over Seth’s. He kissed him lightly, then slow and thorough. A rumbled groan escaped his throat.

The sound ignited an immense, desperate hunger that threatened to bring Seth to his knees.

“If you have to go, go,” Xander said, voice thick. He knew, somehow. Aside from Seth's rising hard-on, which was no doubt hard _not_ to notice.

Seth stared at him, heart galloping out of control, unable to register what the words meant. Xander turned away, breathing hard.

Seth left. In his room, he threw off his clothes and strode into the connected bathroom, shoving the shower door open. The water was cool but no relief. He jacked off, his orgasm short and brutal and pointless.

After shoving his fingers through his wet hair and dressing, he took the stairs. The rich smell of coffee hit him before he reached the bottom step.

The kitchen was large, white and minimalist, the brightness of the room relieved only by gray accents and massive appliances. His parents waited for him at the table. Seth poured a cup of coffee and joined them.

Almost before he sat down, the questions came, gentle and persistent. How long had Seth known Xander; how long had they been together? Was he absolutely sure this was what he wanted to do?

Seth wasn’t sure how to answer that last one, or even what it meant. “It’s not what I want, Mom. It’s what I am.” He heard himself getting louder. He was tired, and tired of trying to get through to her after all these years.

Seth glanced at his dad, then looked again. His usual reticence was gone, his expression apologetic. It brought Seth’s temper under control.

“I love you, but you have to accept who I am, who I’ve been telling you I am since I was fifteen.” Seth took a deep breath. “Can you, or should we leave?”

His mother bit her lip, staring down at her hands. There was a fine tremor in them he’d never noticed. “I suppose I…had different ideas for you. It’s not what I expected. I’ll adjust, Seth.” She looked up. “But I know how people can be. They’re prejudiced and ugly, and they do ugly things.”

She was afraid for him. Seth's anger melted. How many times had he himself been wary of others, or hid his orientation when he felt threatened? “I know, Mom, but I can’t change that, and you can’t protect me. I can take care of myself.”

She gave a bare nod. Her eyes searched his face. “You’re happy?”

Seth gave her what she needed; what he needed her to know. He shoved aside his exhaustion, showing everything he felt about Xander on his face.

His mother smiled, and it only trembled a little.

Seth knocked on Xander’s door at dinnertime, quietly opening the door when there was no answer. He was still asleep, face relaxed and peaceful in the lowering light of the window above.

It hit Seth then, in a way he’d never understood before, that Xander hadn’t slept, hadn’t rested for a single moment without a voice in his head disrupting his peace and his sanity. And no one had understood or helped, not even Seth.

But he'd helped at the end, finally. When it came down to believing Xander or losing him.

He sank down on the chair by the bed, thinking of the eyes of the god peering from Xander’s face. It should have scared him, but the beast, the _thing_ was gone, and it wasn’t coming back.


	23. Chapter 23

THEY LASTED THREE days at the Mayfair household–which, if you asked Seth, was equivalent to being dealt a royal flush in the first hand of a poker game. Highly, highly improbable.

Before they left, Seth called and made a reservation. A modest little cabin at Nolton Lake was theirs for the next three days, after which they’d have to head back to the dorm.

Seth’s mother kissed him when they left the next morning, surprising them all when she gestured for Xander and gave him a hug.

Seth knew he was grinning like a dumb ass. He didn’t care. The look on Xander’s face, the way he leaned down and hugged her so carefully, was pure gold. 

Nolton Lake was as far south as they could go without driving more than a day. They wanted to swim, and they didn’t want to waste the last days of their break. They bought supplies and food on the drive down, packing the food into a huge ice chest Seth borrowed from his parents.

The sun was setting when Xander pulled the Chevelle into the driveway of the rental. The cabin was tiny and charmingly rustic, surrounded by thick woods. A deck in front was braced on short stilts rising from an incline, which continued down to the lake. The small, sloping yard was equipped with Adirondack chairs and a fire pit ringed by river rocks.

Seth located the hidden key to the rental and unlocked the door. After unpacking the Chevelle and stocking the refrigerator, they grabbed a couple of beers and stepped out onto the deck.

The cabin sat above a small cove, beyond which the lake widened, reflecting the dusky blue sky and orange-lit clouds. The dark silhouettes of trees surrounded the lake.

Both of them dropped into chairs on either side of a small, round table. Xander sighed and twisted the top off his beer, taking a long swig. “It’s gorgeous out here. This is good.” He smiled at Seth and added softly, “You’re good.”

It caught Seth off guard. “Aw, shucks.”

“No, listen. For once we will be serious,” Xander proclaimed. He held up a hand. “You have to hear this, and I have to say it. You kept that bastard from getting me, Seth.”

Seth leaned forward, elbows braced on his knees. “We did it together.”

“You don’t want to make a big deal of this, but too bad. You know where I’d be right now if it weren’t for you? Doing awful shit to the people around me, with no control over any of it.”

“You know where I’d be right now if it weren’t for you? At my folks’ house. On spring break. Sad, very sad.”

Xander shook his head impatiently. “You could have gotten hurt. You risked yourself for me, and I won’t forget it.”

“First of all, you wouldn’t be doing any of that stuff. It’d be him. Second, that didn’t happen. He’s gone,” Seth said.

“You were incredible, Seth. You had this crazy, absolute faith that we’d win.”

“I couldn’t let him have you, that’s all.” Seth took a drink of beer.

“That’s all,” Xander said, disbelieving. “You’re just…” he smiled again, deep grooves curving his cheeks. “…awesome, stupendous, incredible—“

“That one you said already.” Seth was pretty sure he was blushing.

“—and amazing.”

Seth thought a moment. “Glad you understand that.”

Xander shook his head, still smiling. “I do.”

They looked out towards the lake. It grew darker by the second, blue shadows creeping close. Katydids and crickets called loudly from the trees.

Seth changed the subject. It was a huge relief. “I forgot to tell you this, but Simon told me the Mayfairs used to live in Twin Wolves.”

“Your _family_ lived in Twin Wolves?”

“You’re repeating me. You caught up yet?”

Xander rolled his eyes.

“He said the town chased the family out.”

“Why?”

“Because our family is, to quote Simon, ‘immune from gods and demons.’ We disrupted their pagan worship, maybe. Anyway, before we left to come here I asked Dad about it. It turns out Simon was right—as a young man, my grandfather and his family lived way up in the mountains in an isolated town. That’s all Dad knew. He said his father didn’t talk about it. Dad didn’t even know the town was still in existence.”

Xander whistled. “Twin Wolves?”

Seth nodded.

“Well, shit. That kind of blows my mind, wondering how you and I…what…” Xander gestured between them, speechless.

“Yeah. What does it mean? Are we…” It was Seth’s turn to search for words. He shrugged. “I don’t know what we are.”

“What if we hadn’t gone to the same college? What if you hadn’t changed dorm rooms? What if what if what if…? It’s crazy.”

“That way lies madness.” Seth stood. “You want a sandwich?”

Xander shrugged absently, staring out at the lake. “Immune to gods and demons, huh.”

“I guess.”

“Do you have an aluminum plate in your brain protecting you from microwave signals sent from the gods?”

Seth sighed. “I just want a sandwich. Are you coming inside?”

“Soon. Maybe you’re a wizard or something.”

“Bullshit.” Seth stepped inside.

“Super hero?” Xander shouted.

Seth stuck his head outside again. “Nailed it. Get your ass in here.” 

Seth opened his eyes, awakening in the loft. There wasn’t much to it—a bed, two tiny nightstands and a chest of drawers. He blinked at Xander, sleeping peacefully on the other side of the bed.

They’d gone to bed sometime after midnight, by unspoken agreement waiting, not touching each other the way they wanted. Not at the end of a long day, tired of being on the road. They fell asleep immediately and were out for—Seth scrabbled for his phone and squinted at it—ten hours. 

It was a king-size mattress, really comfortable, but there was too much space between them. Seth started to move closer, then changed his mind. No matter how long Xander wanted to sleep, Seth didn’t plan to wake him. Real sleep was still new and wondrous.

He climbed out of the bed, rummaging in the chest of drawers and pulling on swim trunks and a T-shirt, trying to keep quiet. The stairs creaked a little as he climbed down to the living room. It didn’t seem to disturb Xander.

Seth put coffee on in the kitchen and waited, impatient for the gurgling pot to finish. It smelled delicious. He poured a cup and took it out onto the deck.

Birds called from the woods, the sound magnified in the clear air. Seth sipped his coffee, relaxing. A breeze played over his arms and lifted his hair.

He heard the soft strumming of a guitar when he came back inside. Seth poured coffee for Xander and climbed up the stairs again. 

Xander sat on his side of the made-up bed, drowsy-eyed, guitar in hand. He looked up at Seth. “I’m getting rusty.”

“Sounds fine to me.” Seth handed over the coffee. “How’d you sleep?”

Xander took a drink. “Amazing is how I slept, though I kind of feel like somebody clocked me one. This is what you normals live like?”

“What do I know? I’m not normal, I’m a demon deflector.”

“Ah,” Xander said, agreeing.

“So, I've been wanting to ask something.” Seth dropped onto the bed.

“So, ask.”

“When you left the dorm, I thought...maybe you weren't coming back. Were you?”

“I hadn't planned on anything, either way. I figured if Pan won and took me over, he wouldn't come back. Why would he? There's the whole wide world to fuck up.” Xander shrugged. He propped the guitar against the wall and stood, stretching. He was dressed in a pair of Seth's swim trunks and a thin white shirt. “I guess we’re going swimming.”

“Yup.”

“Did you eat?”

“No. You want to?”

“Not yet. Wonder how cold the water is?”

“You wimp. Only way to find out is to get down there.” Seth made for the stairs, scrambling, Xander right behind.

They ran barefooted down a dirt path to the water, brushing past overhanging bushes and branches. The sun blazed overhead, the sky a brilliant blue. The hum from a motorboat sounded somewhere out on the lake.

The path opened, trees falling back a few yards from the shore. Seth and Xander were alone in the cove, the other side of the lake distant, curving out of sight. Sunshine sparkled over the water.

Xander flung off his shirt and ran in, diving when the water reached his thighs. He came up from beneath the surface, water streaming, slinging his hair away from his face.

Seth stopped on the shore, watching. “So, how is it?”

Xander turned back, splashing a giant arc of lake water at him.

Seth grinned. He took his shirt off and walked in, taking his time, mud squishing between his toes. “Fuck, it’s cold.”

Xander swam, then slogged toward him, glowering. “Wimp, you said?” Water ran in rivulets off him, the sun glinting on wet skin.

He was fucking gorgeous. Seth was mesmerized.

Then Seth was underwater, head tucked between Xander’s arm and side. He blew out tremendous, noisy bubbles, surprised, and grabbed Xander by the balls. Gently.

Xander hauled him up out of the water.

Seth gasped in a breath of air and lunged at him, teeth knocking into Xander’s, kissing him. Xander's mouth was hot against his, giving as good as he got. Seth grabbed onto him like an octopus, hands rubbing, exploring. His thigh hooked around Xander’s leg, pulling him close as he could.

Xander shuddered beneath his hands. He tugged Seth’s wet hair and crushed their mouths closer, tongues clashing. His arms were tight bands, his dick a hard, hot line pushing against Seth. 

Seth ran out of breath, had to let go. Even a second was too long apart. Both of them were gasping, staring at each other. Seth took in deep breaths and breathed out shallowly, then dropped beneath the surface. He caught Xander’s wide-eyed look just as he went under.

The water was relatively clear, light green. Water swooshed in his ears. He reached for the waist of Xander’s trunks and yanked.

He was gorgeous all over, Xander’s cock thick, swollen with veins and standing against his stomach. Seth pushed his mouth down over the head, trying to keep a tight seal, swallowing him as far as he could.

Even under the water, he heard Xander shout. He rubbed his tongue over the shaft, wanting to feel the bulging veins against his tongue. Xander was hot and smooth and so damn perfect in his mouth.

Hands came down on Seth’s shoulders. Xander was trying to go easy on Seth, not to push. To be careful with him.

Fuck that. Seth dug his fingers into Xander’s thighs, pulling him violently forward. He didn’t have much longer before he had to breathe, but fuck, oh fuck, he wanted this. His dick bumped up against his stomach, hungry for touch.

Spots floated in front of his eyes before he broke the surface. Seth dragged in a huge gulp of air, reaching down at the same time. He started a brutal pace, fingers tight over the shaft of Xander’s cock, rubbing over the head with each stroke.

Xander yanked Seth up and kissed him, stiffening. He gasped against Seth’s mouth. Come spilled over Seth’s fingers, washed away by the lake.

Each moment, each movement made Seth desperate to touch, fuck, breathe in all of Xander, making up for everything he’d waited for and never thought he’d get.

Then Xander’s hand was in his trunks, jacking in tight strokes, oh god, oh god. Seth shouted up to the sky. Xander’s mouth covered his, kissing him through his orgasm.

They held onto each other until their heartbeats slowed to something like normal again, kissing, murmuring soft sounds that meant nothing. After they recovered sufficiently they swam some more, kicking water in each other’s faces, playing and roughhousing.

Finally Seth swam to shore and lay at the water’s edge, too lazy and too satisfied to move despite the rough earth beneath him. The warmth of the sun sank into his back and legs.

Something blocked the warmth. Xander was standing over him. Cold drops of water rained over Seth’s back. He jumped but didn’t move. Xander gave him a gentle kick.

For dinner, they grilled out. Xander chucked charcoal briquettes into the fire and placed the grate over the pit while Seth retrieved the large, marbled steaks they’d bought from the refrigerator. The meat sizzled over the coals, sending enticing smells into the air. They argued about which was the better cut, T-bone or New York strip, though both really only cared that the meat was thick and there was plenty of it.

The coals glowed red, bunched low in the fire pit when Seth broke out the bourbon. It was a fine, dark amber in the bottle that burned smoothly going down.

“We could walk around naked out here,” Xander mused, tipping back a plastic cup of ice and alcohol. The katydids and crickets were out in full, noisy force as dusk came on.

Seth raised a brow. “You want to get naked?”

“Not necessarily. Maybe. Yes.” Xander smiled. “Later, definitely. I’m just saying I think we could get away with it.” He waved his cup. “Nobody’s around.”

They’d pulled the grate off the fire pit after eating. Seth rose to add tinder to the fire from a large stack, thoughtfully provided, presumably, by the people who rented out the cabin. Yellow flames licked up the sides of the wood, crackling.

He sat down again in the chair next to Xander. After a moment he chuckled, almost too low to hear.

Xander paused from tipping the cup to his mouth. “Are you okay there, buddy?”

“Just thinking about how you wrapped Mom around your little finger. Never seen anything like it.”

“Do you remember telling me about a neighbor being hot for your dad?”

Seth grimaced. “I don’t remember putting it quite like that, but yeah. How do you remember this stuff?”

“She told me about being invited to dinner by the lady down the hill. By the look on her face, I figured she was referring to the neighbor in question. I told her nobody’s cooking could compete with hers, and she lit up like a Christmas tree.”

“Tell me you did not play my Mom.”

“I would never.” Xander leaned over and kissed Seth. “I just wanted her to like me, and besides, her cooking is fantastic. But no more mom talk. We don’t mix moms with fuck talk, remember? Or, you know. With fucking.”

Seth’s brows nearly rose into his hairline. He shook his head vigorously. “Not necessary, you understand? _Not necessary._”

“Not coming with me, then?”

“I’m not crazy.” Seth stood, pouring water over the fire from a bucket by the wood pile.

“You brought her up, not me.”

“Xander, for god’s sake.”

Xander laughed. “Sorry.” He pulled his shirt up over his head and flung it on the ground.

“You’re a not-so-secret nudist, aren’t you? Always throwing your clothes everywhere.”

Xander turned back to face him, hair settling over his head again. “Maybe.”

“What if a bear takes your shirt?”

Xander walked backward in front of him toward the cabin. “How much bourbon have you had? There’s no bears here. Even if they were, bears don’t take shirts.”

“You don’t know that.”

“What? There’s no bears, or bears don’t wear shirts?”

“I don’t fucking care anymore,” Seth said, walking into Xander’s body and kissing him. They took a step, shed some clothes, took another, stopping to nip at each other’s mouths. Xander fumbled at the doorknob.

Inside, they’d left a floor lamp on, and it lit their way up the stairs to the loft.

Xander sat on the bed and looked up at Seth, eyes wide and solemn. He still had on his boxer briefs, but the rest of his clothes were strewn from the yard to the stairs.

“What is it?” Seth said, nearly whispered.

“Seth, I…you’re just…” Xander said. Words seemed to fail him.

Seth smiled and pressed his lips lightly to Xander’s cheek, then lower, light press. “Words are hard. I’m me, yes,” he whispered into Xander’s ear. He peppered his face with kisses. “I’m me, you’re you… “—still kissing, teasing, “—and this? Is a cabin. C-a-b-i-n.”

Xander turned his head and bit Seth’s shoulder.

“Dammit!” Seth yelled, then laughed, all while pulling off his underwear.

Xander leaned back onto the bed, tugging at Seth so that he slid on top of him. He rolled Seth beneath him and kissed him again, slow and thorough, then nuzzled into Seth’s neck, lips dragging over the skin. “You don’t know when to quit,” he breathed, and brushed his nose against Seth’s like a caress. His mouth was soft and full, flushed from all the kissing.

“I don’t, ah—I really, really don’t,” Seth gasped.

Xander made his way down his chest, flicking a nipple with his tongue, biting gently.

Seth gasped again, pulled his thigh up and rubbed at Xander’s groin. “Take your damn boxers off.” He yanked at the waist and took them down over Xander’s hips. “Get rid of those.” He opened the tiny nightstand on his side. “Condoms. Lube.” He grinned when Xander swallowed noisily. 

Xander rolled a condom on while Seth slicked himself, then handed the lube over. Xander dribbled the thick fluid over his fingers and pushed Seth’s thighs open with one hand. Leaning over, he licked a wet line up Seth’s cock.

Seth moved restlessly, wanting more. Xander’s fingers were at his hole, pushing a little at a time. He moaned, Xander pushing inside with a finger, then another, slow and sure, opening him up.

“Is this okay?” Xander breathed.

The stretch burned, made Seth crazy for more. He rolled his hips and drove himself down on Xander’s fingers.

“Fuck, oh fuck, look at you,” Xander said.

Seth spread his legs wider. “Now, okay?”

Xander watched Seth's face, pulled his fingers from Seth’s body. He kissed him again, hard and rough. His hands were under Seth's hips, tipping his ass up from the mattress.

Seth reached down and grasped Xander’s cock, loving the heat and weight. He pushed down, impaling himself slowly, taking his time, waiting for his body to let go.

“Jesus.” Xander's eyes were dark, wide and hungry.

Seth lowered his hips, settling and pulling Xander’s cock further inside him. He felt himself beginning to relax.

Xander pushed in response, short driving thrusts, groaning. “Seth, oh fuck, God.”

Seth's hands were around the small of Xander’s back, feeling the muscles tense and release. He wiggled his hips, using his feet for leverage to push Xander deeper, grunting. He pulled Xander's face close, panting into his mouth and curling his body for more access.

Xander hit his prostate for the first time.

“Ughh, god,” Seth grunted, short and loud. “Fuck, fuck.” He grabbed his cock, slapping against his stomach.

Xander pulled his hand away. “Don’t touch,” he panted. “Can you come on me?” He arched his spine and slammed home again.

Seth watched his arms straining, the flex of muscle as Xander fucked into him. Xander’s balls slapped his thighs, stomach rubbing against Seth’s cock.

Xander hit Seth again inside, perfect. “Oh—god, god—fuck.” Seth's body jolted. Electric sparks ignited behind his eyes, cock jerking and pulsing, come arcing over the both of them.

“You're so damned amazing—” Xander fucked him hard and relentless, small sounds escaping his mouth.

“Yeah, that's it,” Seth murmured, tightening his legs around Xander's waist.

Xan’s breath was on his cheek, stuttering, stilling.“You feel so good—fuck, fuck.” His eyes were wild, pupils swallowing most of the iris. He shuddered.

Seth felt him coming. His cock spasmed weakly in reaction.

Xander dropped down on him, breathing hard in the crook of his neck and shoulder.

Seth held on, didn’t want to let go. Somehow Xander was still here. Still with him.


	24. Chapter 24

“EVERYTHING ELSE CHANGES. Except for this place.” Seth looked up and down the dorm hallway, at the students passing each other, some with luggage in hand, most pulling wheeled suitcases behind them.

Xander smiled. “You’re right. The dorm will outlive the cockroaches.”

They’d left the cabin early Sunday morning, taking their time on the drive back to college. The trip was uneventful, both of them at ease, not talking much.

Good sex had a tendency to relax people, Seth reflected.

Stephens came out of his room at the other end of the hallway. Seth and Xander stood stock-still, watching him approach.

“You’re back—that’s great! Are you okay?” Xander asked as Stephens drew closer.

Stephens blinked and looked at his feet and then at Xander as if he were confused. “I guess. I’m not sure what the hell happened. I mean, I know what people told me. I just don’t remember it.”

“You and I drank a lot of alcohol that night, remember? So did Xander. You and Xander got…friendly.” Seth swallowed, but kept his eyes on Stephens.

“People said I was doing crazy stuff. Hitting my fucking head on the floor. I don’t understand any of it.” Stephens shook his head. “They kept me in the psych ward at the hospital.” He looked at Xander. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t do that,” Xander said, sounding strangled. “It’s not your fault. I’m glad you’re okay. Really glad.”

“How’d you snap out of it?” Seth asked.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t anywhere, seems like. Like I didn’t exist, and…then I was. I was normal again.”

“I wouldn't go that far,” Seth said, and Stephens glared at him. Seth wanted to be understanding, he really did, but the words slipped out anyway. “Just so you know. It’s not happening again.”

“What? With him?”

“That’s right.” Seth stepped closer to Xander.

Stephens scowled, pushing his glasses up on his nose. “I’m not looking to repeat something that ended with me in the hospital, okay?” He looked more closely at Seth and then Xander. “Are you two—”

“We are,” said Xander, at the same time that Seth said, “None of your business, gossip boy.”

“You’re sure you’re glad I’m back?” Stephens snapped, jostling Seth as he brushed by.

“Yes, of course we are,” Seth yelled after him.

Stephens flipped him the bird and kept going.

That night, they gave Seth’s bed a trial run. It was too damn small, but they managed. Xander, the giant, clumsy piece of sex-on-legs, only fell off the bed once.

And afterward, as the shadows fell, Seth watched Xander sleep.

Maybe watching him that way was creepy, maybe not, considering what they’d gone through. But Seth had never been able to make himself stop, even when he’d really, really wanted to do just that.

Now he didn’t want to stop. Xander wouldn’t mind.

Seth sat in the dark and watched over his awesome, stupendous, amazing, incredible boyfriend, imagining himself as protector. Just as, somehow, he knew he’d always been.

Xander was free, and that was everything.

**Epilogue**

WHEN TIBERIUS RULED Rome, a sailor proclaimed the death of the great god Pan. Two millennia later, a form born of Pan vanished again, this time from the town of Twin Wolves.

A year after Pan's departure, Simon was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. He drew his last breath on the day after his fortieth birthday, Beth by his side. Beth lived out the rest of her days at the farmhouse after Simon's death, isolated and reclusive. She didn’t remarry.

Billy’s father had left Twin Wolves when Sandra became pregnant. He never returned, but Billy’s grandparents moved to the foothills to be close to their grandson.

Two years after the death of the god, Sandra married Nathan Patterson, who owned the restaurant next door to her place of work. Billy adored his new father, and the family was very happy together. The Pattersons had two more children.

The people of Twin Wolves were left with neither dreams nor portents from Pan Agreus. As time passed, both those who mourned the god and those who did not finally began to believe in his death.

The older ones feared the future after his passing, having lived with the god and the customs surrounding him. They believed their town could not survive without him. They were wrong.

It had all been said and done in other times, other places. Perhaps it would be again.


End file.
